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The Day You Left Me

It didn’t rain that day,
though I kept expecting
dark clouds to roll in
to hide the sun.
I shivered, as though
we were not in the midst
of a heat wave.
You kissed my cheek,
picked up the last box,
walked out to the car
and drove away.
I sat on the porch step,
watching the sidewalk shimmer,
waiting for the world to end
in sympathy with mine,
but knowing we would both spin on.
I fought against the urge
to give up breathing (and I won)
but I’m still shocked that nothing
even blinked at my loss.

6 Apr 06

Rated 8 (8.3) by 2 users.
Active (2): 7, 9
Inactive (3): 6, 9, 9

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brilliant, i know thw feeling. love ur portayal of the worlds ignorance to your pain.
 — horolaggia

Thank you.  I would guess every parent also feels that when, when they bring a newborn home and the cars don't stop so people can applaud.  The world goes on with or without us and our small pains.

 — Isabelle5

the dalai lama would tell you to get over yourself
and hes far nicer than i am
 — noodleman

Whatchoo talkin' bout, Noodle?
 — Isabelle5

I can identify with this so clearly right now. beautiful
 — Thea

 — WordsAndMe

aww...thats sad. what an asshole.
 — Anna-Erb

It's a poem, it isn't a real thing, so no a-holes involved for real!
 — Isabelle5

hi isabelle,

i never look at authors before i read and score, so i mistook your character as one of the self-obsessed whiny teenagers who write so much emo drivel and commented accordingly. i stand by my comment, but it isn't a personal attack. i know you're a lot stronger than the character in the poem. no offense meant,


 — noodleman

i almost know that feeling...
nice read, but i feel like it could be condensed even more as to be more effective.
 — gears

Noodles!  It does sound whiny, especially if you DO know me!  No, I was considering that things that shatter one person can be totally ignored by the world, in general.  Or things that change the person's world for the better, like the day you brought your son home, I bet.  Didn't you just feel as though the Universe should roar and cheer or something?  
 — Isabelle5

I actually don't see how to condense this much more, without leaving out some salient points.  
 — Isabelle5

 — unknown

Moving because you demonstrate resilience and vulnerability without judgement or bitterness. Defining moments define the people it impacts. This is beautiful Isabelle and before i favourite it I would recommend one minor change.

waiting for the world to end  14
because it felt as if mine had.  15
Line 15 only tells us what most will conclude from 14. I would say something like:

Waiting for the world to end
it never
I wouldnt let it

My interp is so/so and you can do better but the reason a change is needed is because the woman in this comes across as someone strong who's been left affected and injured yet not decimated.

This deserves a load more people reading it.
 — Caducus

Thanks, Cadacus.  I revised but think it's still not quite right.  I'm ruminate a bit.  Thanks for liking it.
 — Isabelle5

Beautiful, Just beautiful...
 — Hundawg

Reminds me of that song, The Day You Went Away

" not a cloud in the sky
  but i knew that it would rain
  the day you went away"
 — unknown

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