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Dreams Of A Snowman

This is the absolute snow,
trapping us in our fantasy footfalls.
Its white miasma glows,
as if from an inner source,while we
stand in rows, adjusting carrots
and coals, praying for its long stay,
praying for limbs that we might
stroll away, our stone buttoned bodies
melting into far off frozen Arctic nights.

1 Apr 06

Rated 10 (8.3) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10
Inactive (4): 1, 8, 8, 9

(define the words in this poem)
(244 more poems by this author)

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Hello, LL. Yes, the ontology of the melting snowman. Wonderful subject. Wonderful poem. Your handles ( comas ) crowd the a in line 5, the p in line 6 and the o in line 8. Reminds of the March of the penguins. Maybe it's more a march than a stroll (?)

Great poem shape, great poem. merci beaucoup, Monsieur Larry.
 — borntodance

Dear Borntodance,

Thanks for the comment.Will i ever get my spacing right? Mmmmm Probably not.

Larry le Lark
 — larrylark

At the risk of pissing you off mightily, LL, could you please do likewise in your ( at present) # 4 poem. I can't help it-- the crowding bothers me a lot. I'll be very nice to you if you indulge me.
 — borntodance

The internal rhythm carries this along delightfully. Good use of o throughout.

Miasma doesn't work for me. It throws it off for a moment.
 — alicedark

Dear Borntodance

I know ,i know,I  '  m too scatterbrained to be able to manage correct punctuation though i do try . Thanks for bringing it to my attention.

Larry bonehead Lark
 — larrylark

Dear Alicedark

I know what you mean about miasma..It belongs in the poetic firmament alongside goosomer and tendril as words any self repecting poet should run a mile from but i was having a lazy day ,dreaming of Spring flowers and snowmen migrating Northward and i guess it kinda slipped out .Sorry.

Larry gossomer head Lark
 — larrylark

Hey Larry, i have no problem with "miasma", for me it works fine within the poem.
i don't thing the use of a word or phrase should be determined by how many times other writers have used it.
 — wantsaname

Dear Wantsaname

I take your point but if i had a Pound/dollar for every time I've seen the word gossomer in a poem then i think i'd be a rich man so even if it was a good fit i would try to leave it alone to avoid the thought that someone reading it would think."Jeez,If i had a pound/dollar for every time i've seen that word in a poem i'd be a rich man." In fact i heard two old men in the pub,talking the other day and one said,"How can i describe the froth on the top of your beer with the sun shining through it,its like gossomer"So i said, "Hey guys you must be poets talking in such a way describing every day occurances with a descriptive swagger that uses the word gossomer" And they said "Hell no! we're beer drinkers of the highest order,just taste this delicious nut brown malty bitter with a hint of deadly nightshade and dandelion leaves embedded in its flavour.Well after a few pints gossomer's miasma's  and tendril's were flying around all over the place.

Fondest regards

Larry cruising and boozing Lark.
 — unknown

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