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Dreams Of A Snowman
larrylark

This is the absolute snow,
 1
trapping us in our fantasy footfalls.
 2
Its white miasma glows,
 3
as if from an inner source,while we
 4
stand in rows, adjusting carrots
 5
and coals, praying for its long stay,
 6
praying for limbs that we might
 7
stroll away, our stone buttoned bodies
 8
melting into far off frozen Arctic nights.
 9

1 Apr 06

Rated 10 (8.3) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10
Inactive (4): 1, 8, 8, 9

(define the words in this poem)
(244 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

Hello, LL. Yes, the ontology of the melting snowman. Wonderful subject. Wonderful poem. Your handles ( comas ) crowd the a in line 5, the p in line 6 and the o in line 8. Reminds of the March of the penguins. Maybe it's more a march than a stroll (?)

Great poem shape, great poem. merci beaucoup, Monsieur Larry.
 — borntodance

Dear Borntodance,

Thanks for the comment.Will i ever get my spacing right? Mmmmm Probably not.

Larry le Lark
 — larrylark

At the risk of pissing you off mightily, LL, could you please do likewise in your ( at present) # 4 poem. I can't help it-- the crowding bothers me a lot. I'll be very nice to you if you indulge me.
 — borntodance

The internal rhythm carries this along delightfully. Good use of o throughout.

Miasma doesn't work for me. It throws it off for a moment.
 — alicedark

Dear Borntodance

I know ,i know,I  '  m too scatterbrained to be able to manage correct punctuation though i do try . Thanks for bringing it to my attention.

Larry bonehead Lark
 — larrylark

Dear Alicedark

I know what you mean about miasma..It belongs in the poetic firmament alongside goosomer and tendril as words any self repecting poet should run a mile from but i was having a lazy day ,dreaming of Spring flowers and snowmen migrating Northward and i guess it kinda slipped out .Sorry.

Larry gossomer head Lark
 — larrylark

Hey Larry, i have no problem with "miasma", for me it works fine within the poem.
i don't thing the use of a word or phrase should be determined by how many times other writers have used it.
 — wantsaname

Dear Wantsaname

I take your point but if i had a Pound/dollar for every time I've seen the word gossomer in a poem then i think i'd be a rich man so even if it was a good fit i would try to leave it alone to avoid the thought that someone reading it would think."Jeez,If i had a pound/dollar for every time i've seen that word in a poem i'd be a rich man." In fact i heard two old men in the pub,talking the other day and one said,"How can i describe the froth on the top of your beer with the sun shining through it,its like gossomer"So i said, "Hey guys you must be poets talking in such a way describing every day occurances with a descriptive swagger that uses the word gossomer" And they said "Hell no! we're beer drinkers of the highest order,just taste this delicious nut brown malty bitter with a hint of deadly nightshade and dandelion leaves embedded in its flavour.Well after a few pints gossomer's miasma's  and tendril's were flying around all over the place.

Fondest regards

Larry cruising and boozing Lark.
 — unknown

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