poetry critical

online poetry workshop

My holy application into the unknown

I’m the child of many million     orgies
and so are you, only God inspires me
long after His death,       like so many
of my families,      friends,   dust,  air.
It’s you,   who knows He  is       alive,
but feels none.

20 Mar 06

Rated 7 (8.5) by 3 users.
Active (3): 6, 9, 10
Inactive (3): 5, 9, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(18 more poems by this author)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


I like the philsophical angle and the paradox you pose. Sorta like: We are all asleep , but will only wake up when we die.
 — unknown

Your gaps make me yearn to hear you read this. Sighing wistfully, grace
 — borntodance

unknown - thanks. Grace thanks for seeing the sound of my gaps my anger will not be the same with out them.

(influenced by Mr. Furious and The Sphinx)

 — unknown

I love this , God is dead yet you still feel him. Is it because he is within you ?
 — unknown

Good poem.
 — unknown

a quick revisit, but the motivation must be kept secret. shhhhhh!
 — borntodance

God? God made a girl tell me that he was the reason she couldn't be with me.... is that right?
 — unknown

This does not make any sense as written.  Why do you have odd spaces at random points?  I'm not a child of many orgies, by the way.  This is a strange group of ideas thrown together that can't make sense.

God inspires me long after His death.
who knows He is alive
but feels none.  Feels none what?  Who's doing the feeling?

Do you see how this is not clear?
 — Isabelle5

so many unknowns with nice things to say, am really afraid ...
 — unknown

Isabelle- frankly I do not think you have the time or the energy to invest in my writings, and I don't blame you, maybe because we have completely different approaches to writing, I dunno, for as I read your comments each question you posed is rhetorical.

 — unknown

That didn't answer my questions, did it?  As a reader, I appreciate understanding what point the writer is trying to make.  Spacing counts, words that seem to be antagonistic to others in the poem counts.

Why are you taking my questions as a bad thing?  I'm giving you reading, comments and that is the point of this site.  
 — Isabelle5

Isabelle- I don't know how to reconcile your comments, you defend yourself saying that you're not the child of orgies, which i find very strange that you do not believe so, but hey to each their own, but I’m pleased for by you defending yourself it does tell me that you have identified with the You in my piece.

Then you pontificate on how these are group of strange ideas that can't make any sense. In a sense I was happy with this statement, 'cuase at least you were able to identify that there are ideas, and can't make sense is the perfect egotistical response i expect from someone like you, who always knows what’s right.

This poem is dedicated to all those who Know, and apparently one of them.

 — unknown