poetry critical

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fanny gone nova
unknown

activate your affectionate neurons, my beautiful angel,
 1
it is time,
 2
the rising mud raises the skirt
 3
of the honey-reaping machine and further on
 4
two professors of philosophy explode with laughter:
 5
acknowledging that there is nothing better to like
 6
than a lovely round pert bottom,
 7
the stork flies west,
 8
preparing for a long voyage of new ideas
 9
under the sunshade
 10
volte-face fanny, smiles,
 11
perturbing his severe head.
 12
 
 
activate your affectionate neurons, my beautiful fanny,
 13
go to the vast country of delicate vices,
 14
leave the east far behind,
 15
the libidinous farther behind her,
 16
present me with words of love and dream
 17
my beautifully programmed robot.
 18

5 Mar 06

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Comments:

i am THE asswipe...
my words are just a cut above pimping, unless they're not. life is static wax that has been faxed back & forth & from a phenomenon, or brain damage. i was the one piddling with your peadick all day. so did your assjustgetswiped Pelicanpubli? yes i think it just fucking did, all fucking day long.
 — unknown

i don't want normal decent users to be put off by my outburst to pelican. i reserve that kind of response for assholes only.
 — unknown

i wuv pelicans

oh wuv dem

woger
 — unknown

I wonder if the person that wrote this is leacherous?  A perve?  A drooling, well-fed, jowly type?

It's well written, but it disturbs me - like stairway to heaven being played backwards.

Meh..
 — CervusWright

I only ever stab my whore with my favorite finger, I have respect for her Cervix Wright.
 — unknown

very elegant, but I agree with CW. There are nasty tones, misogynistic and predatory. Sorry, I can't appreciate this poem. In fact, it offends me mightily. Too bad  the odyssey has to be laced with semen-sticky malice.
 — unknown

Why doesn't one of you pick out where lovely, well written and elegant, collide with nasty, misogynistic and predatory. Help me out here, maybe I'm trying to turn over a new leaf. I've edited it once since posting. I corrected my own spelling mistakes without even being told they were there, and cut out some redundant lines. See how willing I am.
 — unknown

Ah, I will be happy to critique this in depth, but only if you reveal your name. In turn, I will do likewise. Then we can debate a few questionable images and such. It is an elegant poem, nevertheless.
 — unknown

You are either Inutile, BorntoDance or Housepoppy. So where is the fun in swapping names? Help or don't help, but get on with it.
 — unknown

Line 5 used to read "two professors of philosophy explode with laughter:"
 — unknown

I love this.
 — unknown

You might be the only one here who does unknown.
 — unknown

Hmm...maybe I need to read this again. I didn't notice the pervertedness really. Well...kind of. I thought they were just describing someone's attractiveness. It seems as lecherous as the song about liking big butts and not being able to lie about it. I bet I could lie about it. I guess at re-reading it does seem kind of perverted like whoever is being described is a sex toy, but the poem was kind of cool anyway. But it did seem to repeat an image that wasn't tottally necessary. Line 1 and 13.
 — MrChris

I think it's fair to say a couple of very silly women commented on this before.
 — unknown

The above is an unjust and untrue accusation. Define "silly." No, on second thoughts, please do not.
 — borntodance

Silly = saying something to say nothing at all.  
 — unknown

In that case, my comment ( from so long ago) was definitely not silly ( according to your definition). I'm not sure if I agree with myself, but at the time I certainly did.
 — borntodance

If you can't agree with yourself...
 — unknown

Oh please. If you always agree with yourself, your opinions are static. I'm prepared to discuss my attitude toward the poem should the author indicate a willingness.
 — borntodance

I'm willing, but you've stood me up before.
 — unknown

That was then and now is now. Do you hold a grudge?
 — borntodance

Well, without exactly being invited, here goes. Why is the central metaphor a shapely female ass? And why is the poet talking to her/it? And why are the philosophers laughing at her/it? Can't you see how that might ( just might) perturb some ( not all) a little?
 — borntodance

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