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Dancing Girl
inutile

written by lia, with many thanks to wamblicante, who's poem "girl on a bus" inspired me to repost.

Hey, dancing girl,
 1
  come dance with me.
 2
 
 
Twirl around in your
 3
  black little pants;
 4
    pre-pubescent body sporting
 5
      skin tight clothes.
 6
 
 
Flash a fake smile,
 7
  show off your white teeth
 8
    surrounded by blood red lips -
 9
      a pout to die for.
 10
 
 
Contort your body to the beat,
 11
  form unnatural figures.
 12
    Falling into splits in your
 13
      brief period of flexibility.
 14
 
 
Grind those hips,
 15
  do some dirty dancing:
 16
    erotic moves to shame the frail;
 17
      filling men with lust.
 18
 
 
Blonde hair pulled back tight,
 19
  a ponytail of conformity
 20
    whipping in your eyes
 21
      as you spin around faster.
 22
 
 
Hey, dancing girl,
 23
  I’m watching you,
 24
    wishing I could dance like you.
 25
      Will you dance with me?
 26

4 Mar 06

Rated 6.2 (6.3) by 15 users.
Active (15): 1, 1, 1, 3, 7, 7, 7, 8, 8, 8, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (11): 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 6, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(54 more poems by this author)

(3 users consider this poem a favorite)
For_Forsaken
JerryReed
Shavedcunnie



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Comments:

I imagined a man with generously greased hair, strumming on his guitar and sitting on a flimsy looking ratan chair while watching the girl dance.
 — tRG

Lia, the tRG rated this a 5!
 — unknown

I agree with him; I, myself, must also be a retard.
 — fallinforyou

not at all. I respect you, fallinforyou.
 — unknown

I do like this poem. As always Lia, I love your poetry.
R
 — Rousseau

Well, thank you 'unknown.' Not so sure who you are, but it's always nice to be respected.
 — fallinforyou

It was just what I imagine when I read it.
I guess my comment wasn't complete. I didn't say that I liked most of it. I lik most of the poem.
 — tRG

To actually comment on this poem, I have to say that I love the layout of it.   I don't like that the first stanza only has two lines, and the rest have four.  It's not a bad thing, I'm just nitpicking.  I like it a lot, though.
 — fallinforyou

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hmm, thanks for all the comments, i guess.

i'm very interested on your interpretations on this poem, what you think of when you read it. when writing it, i went through about 3 different characters' perspectives, but i think/hope it all flows when read as one persons thoughts.

i would like to know who the second unknown was, that used my name. i thought it fitting, since i wrote this poem when i was Lia, as implied i the headnote.

and thank you, rousseau, you're too kind.
 — inutile

inutile - I liked this poem the first time I read it, recognized it now, still like it. But...
several things here taken together bother me; pre-pubescent, fake smile, erotic moves, conformity. With an older girl this would be sexy but it comes across here more like sad. It's so much like all the little girls "forced" into beauty pageants and the like when they're too young to even understand it all. If it were an older girl and she was aware of her sensuality and having fun with it, that would be one thing. But a kid acting older than she is or should be is sick and sad!
 — wamblicante

PS - However, it's a good poem so thanks for crediting me as your inspiration to repost it!
 — wamblicante

wamblicante, i do believe you have discovered the meaning of this poem.

now let's see if you can do the same with my other poem, green vandal.
 — inutile

It just struck me. I saw children dance last night at the Gala Night. In the last dance routine, the girls were clad in very figure hugging clothes which were actually designed for adults. Their movements of their lower halves were disturbing to a degree. It reminds of this poem which you have written well.
 — tRG

I love social commentary poetry.  Therefore, I love this poem. Strong message.  Preteen girls wearing skin tight pants and blatantly showing off their underdeveloped parts to the other 7th graders and sadly, older men, watching eagerly.  Where is the youth leading?  I suppose this happens outside the U.S. also, as you seem to be greatly aware of it.  Nice job on the poem, I like the winding structure of the lines.  Visualizing the erotic twists, I suppose? High rating from me.
 — coldromantic

thanks for all your comment and rating.

and no, i am not a paedophile, nor will i sleep with shavedcunnie.
 — inutile

Recent best list - good going young lady!
 — wamblicante

yes. thank you. but it used to feel more rewarding. *sigh*

i doubt it will last there for much longer, i am already surprised this has been there for over a day.
 — inutile

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I think it's a neat poem and the reader has a very clear image of the girl.  Not a big fan of the last stanza, but hey, I hate closure.

-Owlgirl
 — unknown

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the last stanza is necessary to convey all the characters and their opinions/characters in this poem.
 — inutile

It's a sweet poem.  
It relies a lot on formatting, but thats cool.
It says a lot that we all know already, but!
It finishes with a disturbing ending.  I see a pervey old guy dishing on you.

That bugs me!  But maybe that's your point.  
Or maybe this watcher is someone on your speaker's level: a peer.
Can't tell.  Anyway, it's a sweetie poem in many ways.
enjoyed it none the less for doubts.   Tip: Endeavor to avoid the obvious
restatements of simple observations like "filling men with lust"
Not only is that pretty much what its all about, that dirty dancing, but the phrase,
you'll understand, is trite.   But if you are not widely read and do not much read
the better modern poetry, then what can be your guide for learning what sorts of lightweight thoughts/devices are best to avoid?

Time and reading and living experinece will naturally blossom your growing abilities.
You have a talent, so just abide with yourself and be relaxed and cool as you always are.    reid
 — netskyIam

reid, thank you very much for your comments.

you have slighted on the purpose for this poem, but there is much more to that. this poem is written in the perspectives of different characters, intertwined to be read with one voice. each stanza offers a new idea, excepting the first, which is purely introductory. i will not explain these ideas, i want the reader to dwell on it and think for themselves.

i agree line 18 isn't the best, and if you are helpful enough to make a decent suggestion for a replacement line, i will consider your words carefully.

once again, thank you for your insight and encouragement.
 — inutile

I do not like the pre pubescent body. Pre pubescents are still meant to be innocent, not sexy.
 — marieF

marief, have you not read the comments?

if you like, i will explain each stanza, the ideas that lay behind them, just for you.

but i would rather you think for yourself, and take this poem at more than face value.
 — inutile

Well, no I hadn't read the comments until now. Yes, I see what you are getting at and it is sad that this happens so much these days but this type of poem is so easy to misconstrue. Peadophiles out there could easily interpret this as being a back up to how they think.
As I am a mum of 2 little girls, I automatically recoiled from this poem and wrote what I thought.
 — marieF

thank you for giving my poem a second chance.
 — inutile

inutile, I never realised you were Lia
 — marieF

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It reminded me of some dirty yet soulful janitor at a middle school  watching the dance team or cheerleaders.
 — Cloudless

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you have been hacked pelican
 — unknown

Ohhhh - loved it till the last line - Waaay too cliche!
 — WordsAndMe

yes, i am lia. it has been known by some for quite a while, now. it was never a very well kept secret.

and yes, i have been known to like older men, but never as old as 50.

thank you for all your disturbing comments under my poem. i think they suit my poem, and help convey why society is so corrupt.
 — inutile

Ok! I'm sorry, but a bunch of people keep making rude comments about me because pelican likes me.  Look, I'm sorry if everyone has a grudge against Pelican.  Get over it, and please don't take it out on me.  I have a boyfiend, and I'm not like..in some affair with Pelican.  Get that through your skulls.  Thank you.
(sorry for wasting your comment space, inutile)
 — fallinforyou

There is nothing wrong with the affair that fallingforyou is having with Pelican. Evidently he pleases her. Leave those two lovebirds alone everybody. And Inutile, your dating older men is fine. It is good and healthy for you to date those older men. Even 50 year olds. Why don't everybody leave pelican, fallingforyou, and inutile alone. They don't deserve the constant ridicule.
 — unknown

I'm not having a f'n affair.  Please, just shut the hell up.  I have more respect for myself, and for my boyfriend.  And besides pelican is like..30 years old.  I'm much, much younger than that.  It would be wrong. And gross.
 — fallinforyou

Just as it got interesting you stopped.Is there a part 2 and if so could you give me the time and date it will be posted .Nicely done with a rythmn of dance shot through

Larry erotic research person ,all legit and above board Lark
 — larrylark

larry, thank you for your comment, i'm sure you decently enjoyed my poem. however, i believe my next poem will feature mainly about a hippopotamus. i'll post it in good time.
 — inutile

Great another troublemaker.
 — unknown

To explain: Pelican's just a nice guy. Shavedcunnie thinks I am having some affair with him.  For what reason..well you'll have to ask her.

To explain the poem:  It's about prebuscent girls who dance around showing off their pre-teen bodies.
 — fallinforyou

There is many things sexier, moron.
 — unknown

Do you see what your poem did? Inspired all the pc pervs to crawl out of their holes to comment. Inutile, you can do better than this, talking about pre pubescent girls showing off their bodies up to be sexy seems so morally wrong however you intended it.
 — marieF

Is it morally wrong to point it out, or to just accept it and ignore it?
 — fallinforyou

fallinforyou, thank you.

marief, i'm not trying to make a big issue out of this poem, and i can hardly be blamed if others want to post dirty comments.

my poem is not dirty, or erotic, in essence, although written to seem that way. maybe others of you have lead sheltered lives, but i don't think it is morally wrong to point out what is morally wrong but accepted without question in todays society.

i don't think it is my poem that started this, but who i am, or, rather, who someone thought i was. i can hardly be blamed for a simple mistake, either.

if you don't like my poem, don't read it, but i know other people like it, and like the point i am trying to make with it. since i have eleven 10s, and only two 1s (which surprisingly enough cropped up on all my poems recently) i am leaving this poem posted. perhaps when it gets really bad i might repost, but i'm sure that won't really help things, just give a fresh slate for more disgusting behaviour.

simply, don't believe that it's my fault that others have dirtied my poem, blame them for doing it, or blame rafter for creating this site, or blame the moderators for not having enough control. if you don't like my poem, don't read it. if it's the comments you don't like (which i strongly suspect it is), don't read them.

ok?
 — inutile

Amen, inutile, amen.
 — fallinforyou

good for everybody. but i'm a good girl now, and no one is allowed in my pants.

can people please stop capitalising this username? if i wanted it so, i would have done it myself when choosing it.
 — inutile

Yay for Mary (I didn't cap. it)  Well, shavedcunnie, I have morals.
 — fallinforyou

what about me, could i get in your pants?
 — TheO1dCrow

not talking to you, petifile
 — TheO1dCrow

go eat an 80 yr old dick

the flavor is enhanced with age
 — TheO1dCrow

i always wear pants for precisely that reason.

why would i let you touch me? you don't even listen to me.
 — inutile

sure and i bet you fathered a child just to fuck it too right?

inutile, who are you talking to the rapist/petifile/senior/bisexual perv or me? and dont say whats the difference.
 — TheO1dCrow

talking to her of course.

haha, 1st on recent best with a score of 7.8 that is a first time, i bet. you're really creating havoc on this site, you know?

i don't know what to do about these comments. i could let you get it out of your system and then repost, or i could keep them, to show just how society so so morally defective.

i think i'll take a chance and do the latter.
 — inutile

wishful thinking my friend. but the thing is we are at large and for all you know i could be a close friend of yours.
 — TheO1dCrow

thank you unknown. you're too kind.

they are not abusing me, only embarrassing themselves.

i must digress and say that there is a big difference between them. shavedcunnie is an obsessive nymphomaniac, while theo1dcrow is merely an annoying jerk.

i like theo1dcrow, he is fun. as for shavedcunnie, even i am not all that amused by her.
 — inutile

id be more amused if she made off comments like that on a bunch of poems. but she wont. im tempted to post her comment as a poem just so people hear can see that im not the sickest fuck on the site.
 — TheO1dCrow

exactly unknown. thank you for understanding. and for knowing how much i live nice unknowns (assuming you did know, of course).

but then you'd also know my curiosity and how much i'm dying to find out who you are.

because i don't think you're my unknown, although i could be wrong.
 — inutile

you do that, crow. although, without the context, it won't make that much sense, and with it it would be too long and bore everyone to death, but oh well.

it sickens me that she's the only one to favourite my poor darling poem.
 — inutile

Wow, dis be some sick shit, yo.
 — Thejunction

id do it myself but i decided long ago to have no favorites
 — TheO1dCrow

i am fucking no one.

shavedcunnie is trying to fuck everyone but is getting rejected.

pelicanpubli is crushing on fallinforyou who is flattered but perhaps also creeped out.

and theo1dcrow is just jerking off over my poetic skills.

you get it now, unknown?
 — inutile

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Unknown fuckahs:

Leave everybody alone, aight?  No one needs to know who fuckin' who, cuz really it ain't dat important. It dey business.
 — Thejunction

word home dog. if evy body be fukkin evy body we all be being da same culla ya dig? but we aint so you be all shes fucking him and hes all hes fucking him and nobodies fuckin no one so no one aint getting any from any one, ya dig?
 — TheO1dCrow

Yep.  I dig.  You guys all talk about fucking so much, I seriously doubt any of you actually are.  When you're getting it and it's good, one rarely talks about it - they just smile knowingly and smirk a bit..
 — CervusWright

lol, not me, i used to talk about my sex life all the time.

but now i don't have one i stop talking about it.

hooray, another 10. thanks.
 — inutile

Just for the record I have not given you a 1, just my opinion which I stand by. Made up for you with all your tens, if that is what is important to you then great.
 — marieF

sigh

what time is it?


size of sun inverse function to solar habitation

or was it the size of


hmmm


this poem is lame

because it aims


when it should not

the reason it should not?


do this without any hint of morality


bring the reader as if to the edge of a precipice they have always been standing on


just never noticed


big asshole with hair on it and i'll let you braid it . . . french braid it -- grenmaere
 — unknown

i don't really care about the ratings and who gives what.

on my special poems, i care, but not this one anymore.
 — inutile

wouldn't it be nice if we could remove unwanted comments under our poems? Or maybe not, they tell their own stories as well. The frenzied energy, desperate energy is beautifully captured in this poem ( it's almost a video) and that is what I appreciate most about it.
grace
 — borntodance

Inutile will you please delete this poem.
 — unknown

Don't delete the poem inutile - it's obviously doing part of its job - making the sickos feel uncomfortable.
 — unknown

im glad i read this. this embraces and shames the elephant in the living room of our society. good job. very unsettling and at the same time reassuring that you recognize the inherent antithetical juxtaposition of innocence and lust, of shame and pride, of objectivism and self hate.
 — noodleman

of course i shave my nuts. no one's gonna call me a fur ball.
 — TheO1dCrow

Young lady,

Saw this poem mentioned in a thread about marieF leaving and so I reread it and many of the comments. Typical of this site and society in general. Some people get that this is actually AGAINST what you write about and others don't. The ones who don't either attack it as a piece of smut inviting pedophiles or use it to get their "poetic rocks off" with obscene comments. So predictable and sad!

Word of advice, don't bow to pressure! I have several times here with good poems and then felt like an idiot after deleting them. This is a fine poem and it sends a strong message, actually speaking out against what some fools think you're favoring. Don't delete it useless you choose to, don't let jerks make the decision for you because their simple minds leave them one-track minded and seeing the world through tunnel vision.

You had the courage to repost this (and dedicate it to me, thank you!) so have the courage to leave it in here! This is a great piece of work! Users here should be concerned about many things more meaningfully "bad" and needful of attacking than this. Keep up the good work!

Your friend,
wamblicante
 — wamblicante

my sexual history is of no importance to this poem, and is not anyone's business except my future partners', if that.

kindy stop wasting your time trying to get a response from me. in the past i have enjoyed playing these foolish games, being the child that i am, but even i tire of it now, as do many others.

i won't delete this poem, except to maybe repost, but even that won't help, it'll just start everyone anew.
 — inutile

inutile,

Sweet poem. I don't suppose anyone has considered that the person wishing to dance with the girl is a boy?

Well done - anytime a poem stirs up so many people it is a 10 in my eyes. It also demonstrates that what is in the heart and mind comes out.

yu
 — unknown

yu, when i wrote this poem, i was actually intending the narrator to undergo many different personalities. instead of expanding on that idea here, i will do it in the post i am currently writing on the forum. check it out if you're interested.

ps. thanks for the rate, but i would rather my poem was judged by it's own poetic merit, not the behaviour of others.
 — inutile

inutile,

I read part of your long diatribe about your poem on the other thread but it is not neccesary to defend yourself or to defend your poem or to explain your poem. You are incorrect about it "poetic merit" and "behavior of others". If you intend for a poem to be hidden then it is not a poem by a journal entry. If a poem such as this can generate feedback, it is because it affects each person differently. When people look at art, they each see something different depending on their life, their perspective, and even physical conditions such as being color blind. Take negative as well as positive comments as a compliment! Ignore the bad comments, unless they help you with your poems, don't bow to common opinion. Perhaps you are young as you say, but you will learn soon to tell people to go jump in the lake when they say foolish things like asking you to remove your poem.

y...
 — unknown

Is this the most hit on poem? Just wondering.
 — unknown

If she could consistently write good poems I would agree, but she doesn't. Most of her poems are mediocre. The reason this one did so well is due to the negative attention it got. It is by itself, nothing special.
 — unknown

Inutile, I'm sorry about the craptastic comments.

Line 18 isn't so hot to me.

men swell with hunger?

grow with thirst?

I can't really fit anything in that's better, but it seems too blunt to me.


I'm sorry again for all the nasty comments, and the uselesness of this one
 — unknown

yes the proprety of equality does support this assessment,

theoldcrow=theoldcrow
 — TheO1dCrow

Extremism in the defense of Liberty is no vice.  Barry Goldwater said that.  
 — tumbleweed

ok, this is starting to bore me. hardly any of these comments are of any use to me. if you feel the need to comment, could you at least at a post script with a suggestion for improvement?
 — inutile

thanks, but i believe there's always room for improvement.
 — inutile

L13 and 14 feel like they could be broke differently.  I don't know, but L13 seems like it's too short.  L19-22 is my fav. part.  I'm awfully sorry about all the shitty stuff being commented on this poem, and I wish I could say something half-way constructional, but that's all I have to offer.
-Mary
 — fallinforyou

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this poem has become an ugly old whore it should be put out of its misery
 — unknown

thanks fallinforyou, i adjusted the line breaks as per your recommendation.
 — inutile

sure i will :)
 — unknown

heh. took me a while to work what question it was you were answering. i'll hold you to that dance, unknown. save the last one for me :)
 — inutile

L5 sends a chill down my spine and an upset in my gut - I realize that you could be referring to a girl of consenting age whom has a body shape that of a pre-pubescent child (her being a dancer), but the image is ghastly - I guess good work -provocative and I hope if I have daughter she will not be subject to the fantasies of those men in L18.
 — unknown

rated 6.9

some might call that appropriate.

or even providencial.

but not me.


fuckers.
 — inutile

thanks unknown for commenting. my previous comment was, of course, not reponding in any way to yours.
 — inutile

thanks unknown. i thought this was one of my better poems, too.
 — inutile

a poem like this will encourage all the slugs to leave their slimy trail on it , oh they alredy did. sorry inutile, what did you expect?
 — flaminhot

I like the revised line breaks! Very good, inutile, very good.
And I don't care what anyone says, this should have a higher rating.  Even if they don't like the subject matter (which is stupid, because otherwise they're just ignoring the half-naked preteens strutting their stuff in every mall in America) the poem was written well.
*ups my rating*
 — fallinforyou

yeah, the lines break are heaps better, thanks for that.
 — inutile

eh. better than being a slut, no?

;)
 — inutile

Borrrrrring. Sorry. The subject is beaten to death and you didn't really pull it off.
 — lieskilllies

i'm sorry i couldn't interest you. perhaps another poem of mine will. or perhaps i am simply not up to your standards. it is of no consequence to me.
 — inutile

thanks brady
 — inutile

goodness. since all the nasty comments from other people have been deleted, i sound like some raving mad bag lady. huh.
 — inutile

Wonderful poem.
 — unknown

thanks unknown.
 — inutile

Well written. Nice subject. Any more Like this? My email address is , and I'm interested in viewing all of this poet's work.
 — unknown

Talented work.
 — JerryReed

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Delete this damn poem.
 — unknown

Great work.
 — unknown

I wonder why this old thing keeps popping up. How are you doing, inutile girl. I see you're never going to delete this old junk.
 — pelican

Perfect, inutile.
Honestly and truely.

-FF
 — For_Forsaken

if i had a reason to delete this, i would. but until then, it stays. thank you for your time and comments.
 — inutile

i still stand by my origional comment that i think this is awesome.
Lovely Lia
 — Esoteric

This poem turns me on. Inutile turns me on. I like young girls. I like inutile. I like poetry. I like this poem.
 — unknown

The set-up to me immediatly looked as if it were dancing. Cool set-up. The poem was okay, could be improved on, but this over-all wasn't too bad. 8/10
 — Henry

The first three lines are perfect for this poem. The last three lines end it just right. The structure is very good.
 — MelissaK

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