poetry critical

online poetry workshop



ONE!
philoanon

One -
 1
 
 
Never lie,
 2
When we insincerity speak,
 3
Dissolute darkness is what we breed
 4
And I must listen to heaven sigh.
 5
 
 
Fevers birthed from truths disguise,
 6
Clouds mask the child’s eyes.
 7
Tears of stone do fall,
 8
Quite as an iron ball.
 9
Little white lies turn the whole world black,
 10
Seeds from a poisoned tree that always grow back.
 11
Broken bones do mend through time,
 12
Trust be lost, when no truth we find.
 13
The carpenter’s hands, abused by words,
 14
Do now show the churches worth.
 15
The aggressors smile, the barbarian’s fame,
 16
Hang forever over, dirty drains.
 17
Do not cry shed no tear,
 18
You raise the laughter for heaven to hear.
 19
Castles built on wishful deceit,
 20
Will justice rise n' upon that builder reap.
 21
He who lives for money and gold,
 22
The devil does dance with his golden soul.
 23
They who fear the witches cry,
 24
Should once remember standing, watching, by.
 25
All hearts abused through lack of care,
 26
Know the pain, to want for air.
 27
Yea they know the pain to want for air!
 28
 
 
For all the children who this page do read
 29
Lend your ears,
 30
Hear of the world’s greatest deed…….
 31
 
 
That true words were made for Hyperion’s show,
 32
In the sky, where the truthful go!
 33

Please rate and critique most welcome.
Thankyou

22 Jan 06

Rated 9 (9.3) by 1 users.
Active (1): 9
Inactive (2): 9, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(15 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

You quite like these "teaching" poems - im not a big fan of cuplits then again i can see why you like blake so much:)
 — hopeStreet

Yes, yes yes perfect! Hyperions show eh? the sun god!! very nice!
 — unknown

Very expressive! Really gets to the heart of the matter.  I love L8 and 9 and L20 and 21 just blew me away. Bravo, encore.
 — marionette

nice one thanks guys n gals
 — philoanon

anyone else?
 — philoanon

The writing and content are both equally very good, however the rhyming technique should be expanded beyond couplets thus encouraging the reader to remain focused and the message to be conveyed completely.
 — SolCarloman

anyone else
 — philoanon

a devils dance with golden soul,
plastic spoons in a silver bowl.
 — Meep

nice one meep
 — philoanon

?
 — philoanon

when are you going to post your masterpiece? I want to see it in all its glory up here.
 — SolCarloman

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