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A love song soaked in wine and served with bread and cheeses.
OwlGirl

I love you more than all her fire, I won't ever leave you; abandon you, you will always be mine I am here 'til the end and she would never say that no matter how in love I will love you 'til the end you are all I have ever wanted in a man and I don't believe anything could control that-- not even the ache in my fingers from typing, nor the toll of the bells from the churches, nor the ink from the christmas cards you will give me in the years to come, nothing will change that.
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and one day you will read these words, I pray, read them and know me for the first time as a woman who will always be there for you-- and won't ever let you go off to war or be devoured by the serpents of life, no, I will always be there through the thick and the thin and I will read your poems and sing your songs-- I will be all you want! I wish nothing more than to be yours so please: oh let me into your heart I want nothing more, I will be everything, because I remember how I first loved you and almost kissed you many times and how you held me in your arms when the serpents were after me and oh, how I call other men by your name and how your smile; your embrace brings me home again.
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16 Jan 06

Rated 8.3 (8) by 3 users.
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Yes.  Fire and wine and the pathetic aspect of a friendship distorted by love and a younger woman.
 — OwlGirl

a little hoard of ideas, the collective consciousness is a meal unto itself.
 — unknown

too much to read in one breath.
 — inutile

it is too much to read in one breath.  Have you ever read Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf or Ulysses by James Joyce.  Those are hard to read in one breath.  
They leave you gasping for air and drowning in your own words.  If I've made you breathless, then everything I have ever worked for as a writer has payed off.
 — OwlGirl

I think the stream of conciousness works for this.....the title is awesome!!!
 — ameryan

this is good i like the picture it paints in my head
 — unknown

what a lot of words are they all your own?
 — unknown

indeed.  The words aren't jibber jabber and I didn't create them, but I put them all together for the first time.

If you read enough Virginia Woolf, anything is possible.
 — OwlGirl

Exellent is all i have to say
 — timbosys

This poem is one line long, which makes it slow going for some of us.  Can you go into it and define it into stanzas or verses or something, places where separation is a good thing?
 — Isabelle5

If you don't add punctuation between here "you will always be mine I am here 'til the end and she would never say that no matter how in love I will love you 'til the end you are all I have ever wanted in a man and I don't believe anything could control that not even the ache in my fingers from typing nor the toll of the bells from the churches nor the ink from the christmas cards you will give me in the years to come, nothing will change that and one day you will read these words I pray read them and know me for the first time as a woman who will always be there for you and won't ever let you go off to war or be devoured by the serpents of life no I will always be there through the thick and the thin and I will read your poems and sing your songs I will be all you want I wish nothing more than to be yours so please oh let me into your heart I want nothing more I will be everything because I remember how I first loved you and almost kissed you many times and how you held me in your arms when the serpents were after me and oh how I call other men by your name and how your smile; " and here. I WILL SUFFOCATE!
 — unknown

hmmm well maybe if you read some works of literary genius (Ulysses by James Joyce or Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf), you could find a way to adapt to this style of writing.
 — OwlGirl

culinary.
 — Meep

i do think that since you start out using commas, you might want to look into using them throughout. give us readers a chance to enjoy this without asphyxiating, please.
 — unknown

good criticism!  I've made changes.  How do you like it now?
 — OwlGirl

i think it's much better. but why did you listen to me, and not all of the other people who suggested the exact same thing?
 — unknown

you brought me to realise that I had begun with punctuation and then really abandoned it.  The others seemed to be criticising the fact that it was all one continuous sentence.  I can't decide if I like it better this way, but if it's easier for the reader to read a poem that stands apart from the works of literary masters, I'm willing to publish a version of it that isn't too much in my own preferred style.
 — OwlGirl

I dont understand the critiques you've already had for this but thats perhaps because I have the edited version infront of me. This does delve like Joyce and Woolfe, renching my heart and hope for reciprocation, how i hope you achieved that. Your energies are not wasted as a writer
 — SolCarloman

thanks so much!
 — OwlGirl

I love the way this is formatted. POetry is not always about short suggestives lines and extensive/clever punctuation and you have captured a beautiful moment here. so sad and wanting but a beauty in pain. It's nice to read your work again.
 — SolCarloman

sorry Ive just noticed that I have already praised you for this piece. Well fuck it, its worth it a second time around.
 — SolCarloman

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