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Eye-Fucked Mirrors
Estrella

Stares full of lusting fire tower,
 1
emitting from endless paired points.
 2
Wide heat singeing, blinding.
 3
So many pupils glowing,
 4
 
 
then conquered by the frigid.
 5
Rarely understood, icing abundance
 6
without effort.
 7
Their disapproval simply crystallizes everything.
 8
 
 
Alas me, I am wholly inert;
 9
still a striking reflector
 10
with a healing eye-fuck rash winding around my neck.
 11

8 Jan 06

Rated 9.5 (9.5) by 2 users.
Active (2): 9, 10
Inactive (0):

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Comments:

what do you think?
 — unknown

confusing. In the poem, are you an ogler or an oglee?
 — unknown

I like that term eye fuck-
 — unknown

I am the reflector....so I suppose you'd say I'm the oglee.  

Thanks.  I like the term eye-fuck too.
 — unknown

I like this.

Try to tie the first two stanzas together more cohesively.
 — themolly

I'll try
 — unknown

I would love some more feedback on this one.  

It's been edited.
 — unknown

better.  better for sure.  like the second stanza much more now.

and the and me part is good.  you needed the extra beats in there.

I'm not so happy with the new title, however.  a bit long for me.  never been one for parentheses in titles.

(I'm sure I'm going to get it for saying that.)

nice nicer....still waiting for disco.
 — themolly

what about now??
 — unknown

better.  still no disco, though.  it's that title.  it's not jiving.

by the way, someone who writes as well as you do has no business posting unknown. :)
 — themolly

you're one to talk

is the title better?
 — Estrella

i like this very much. the idea of lasers and icers, burners and coolers and then the neutral area....very thought provoking actually.

9
 — unknown

thanks
 — Estrella

i neeeeeeeeeeeed helpppppppppppppppppp
 — Estrella

did it change?  I like it much more now!
 — BoundFeet

i did.

and thank you
 — Estrella

I'm not sure about this title.  I feel like I'm giving it away.
 — Estrella

I don't know...I kinda dig it.

I think it will give those with less clues more of a chance of enjoying this...getting it.
 — BoundFeet

changesssssssssssssssssssss
 — Estrella

againnnnnnnnwiththechangingggggggggggg
 — Estrella

pleez folks.  i really think i need your help...
 — Estrella

:(
 — Estrella

:)
 — BoundFeet

Can't help. I have no idea what this poem is about.
 — unknown

ouch
 — Estrella

so i should make it more obvious?

is that what you're saying?
 — Estrella

ok?  well any new comments appreciated.  I'm not understanding the last one so much
 — Estrella

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