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Staring Down the Moon
themolly

this is the companion poem to Pulling Down the Moon...

A breath of fire and wind
 1
and I shock my open plexus.
 2
Lightning illumes my mind.
 3
Crawler orbs of their own iridescence climb
 4
sideways, zigzag stitching my spine.
 5
 
 
Thank goodness for the pleasures of this sometimes dreary life!
 6
 
 
The picture begins to form again,
 7
the only constant is the eyes;
 8
always the most familiar eyes.
 9
 
 
That is when it happens.
 10
There is a symbiotic transfer between us;
 11
we meld
 12
just for a moment
 13
and everything is light
 14
and glowing perfect.
 15
 
 
I weep for our intentions.
 16

26 Dec 05

Rated 9.3 (8.5) by 10 users.
Active (10): 1, 6, 8, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (7): 3, 7, 9, 9, 10, 10

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Comments:

Wow. I wasn't ready for this. The set up is perfect. I found a new favorite.
 — Hear

wow.  thanks
 — unknown

Thanks for writing it.
 — Hear

line 16 is amazing
 — bear

this is good.  nice jorb.  (;
 — ducktape

i love lines 11-16.  again, nice.
 — ducktape

(and 4)  :D
 — ducktape

this has you all over it.  

yow-ZA
 — Estrella

No wonder I liked this.
  I liked Pulling Down the Moon as well. Never could forget that poem.
 — Hear

I especially love the last line.
 — Kauf

thanks
 — themolly

love love it.

one thing, the symbiotic part.  I understand why, it just don't flow yo.  

Maybe it's just me.
 — BoundFeet

loveliest I've read in awhile.  nice to see this one.
 — unknown

I agree with boundfeet, the symbiotic transfer removes me from the flow.
 — violence

hmmmm.  I'll think about that--

Thanks
 — themolly

sure did.
 — themolly

did you change something?

wow.  this is super.
 — unknown

ahh

that was me
 — BoundFeet

wow, really good, setup is perfect for line 16
 — beckhammnky7

thank you.
 — themolly

i like this lots, esp 10-15 and the last line
 — simplyread

ass-o-tronic
 — unknown

ass-o-what?

Huh?
 — themolly

???
 — themolly

is ass-o-tronic a new butt plug or what?

I missed the flyer.
 — themolly

Beautiful, (the)Molly. These are the tastiest parts for me: lines 8+9. Soothing, lulling repetition, which provides a striking contrast to the frantic movement in lines 5.
"I weep for our intentions" is classic. It's a line which I will always remember. The trueness of it is enchanting.
I'm wondering if line 6 enhances or weakens. And I do agree with previous comments about line 11. The sybiosis is implicit.

Lovely.
 — borntodance

I am married tot line 6, unfortunately.  There's something to right about it, for me...

Thanks so much for the read and comments and compliments.

:)
 — themolly

beautiful.
my favourite out of my favourites.
 — unknown

thank you
 — themolly

i feel i could do more with 7-9.  any advice?
 — themolly

poke one out with a stick x
 — unknown

say what?
 — themolly

the picture forms again,
begins; constance in
the ever familiar eyes.
 — unknown

eh-?
 — themolly

nice.
 — unknown

This is so wonderfully cosmic in feel and expresses such yearning for a higher state of spirituality.

Larry the beyond Lark
 — larrylark

thanks lar
 — themolly

maybe consider some alternate  line breaks. "Illumes" doesn't sound right. It assumes a loftier tone than the rest.
Lines 6 and 16 are poignant with no hint of melodrama.
lines 7-9 gain momentum. They work. Understatement and shyness can enhance a poem.

great writing all told
 — banditfemme

wow!  thanks bandit.
 — themolly

Beautifully written.  :-)  It kind of reminds me of my "Moon in Aries" poem.  
 — starr

thanks again starr.  I'll check it out.
 — themolly

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