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Staring Down the Moon

this is the companion poem to Pulling Down the Moon...

A breath of fire and wind
and I shock my open plexus.
Lightning illumes my mind.
Crawler orbs of their own iridescence climb
sideways, zigzag stitching my spine.
Thank goodness for the pleasures of this sometimes dreary life!
The picture begins to form again,
the only constant is the eyes;
always the most familiar eyes.
That is when it happens.
There is a symbiotic transfer between us;
we meld
just for a moment
and everything is light
and glowing perfect.
I weep for our intentions.

26 Dec 05

Rated 9.3 (8.5) by 10 users.
Active (10): 1, 6, 8, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (7): 3, 7, 9, 9, 10, 10

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(41 more poems by this author)

(4 users consider this poem a favorite)

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Wow. I wasn't ready for this. The set up is perfect. I found a new favorite.
 — Hear

wow.  thanks
 — unknown

Thanks for writing it.
 — Hear

line 16 is amazing
 — bear

this is good.  nice jorb.  (;
 — ducktape

i love lines 11-16.  again, nice.
 — ducktape

(and 4)  :D
 — ducktape

this has you all over it.  

 — Estrella

No wonder I liked this.
  I liked Pulling Down the Moon as well. Never could forget that poem.
 — Hear

I especially love the last line.
 — Kauf

 — themolly

love love it.

one thing, the symbiotic part.  I understand why, it just don't flow yo.  

Maybe it's just me.
 — BoundFeet

loveliest I've read in awhile.  nice to see this one.
 — unknown

I agree with boundfeet, the symbiotic transfer removes me from the flow.
 — violence

hmmmm.  I'll think about that--

 — themolly

sure did.
 — themolly

did you change something?

wow.  this is super.
 — unknown


that was me
 — BoundFeet

wow, really good, setup is perfect for line 16
 — beckhammnky7

thank you.
 — themolly

i like this lots, esp 10-15 and the last line
 — simplyread

 — unknown


 — themolly

 — themolly

is ass-o-tronic a new butt plug or what?

I missed the flyer.
 — themolly

Beautiful, (the)Molly. These are the tastiest parts for me: lines 8+9. Soothing, lulling repetition, which provides a striking contrast to the frantic movement in lines 5.
"I weep for our intentions" is classic. It's a line which I will always remember. The trueness of it is enchanting.
I'm wondering if line 6 enhances or weakens. And I do agree with previous comments about line 11. The sybiosis is implicit.

 — borntodance

I am married tot line 6, unfortunately.  There's something to right about it, for me...

Thanks so much for the read and comments and compliments.

 — themolly

my favourite out of my favourites.
 — unknown

thank you
 — themolly

i feel i could do more with 7-9.  any advice?
 — themolly

poke one out with a stick x
 — unknown

say what?
 — themolly

the picture forms again,
begins; constance in
the ever familiar eyes.
 — unknown

 — themolly

 — unknown

This is so wonderfully cosmic in feel and expresses such yearning for a higher state of spirituality.

Larry the beyond Lark
 — larrylark

thanks lar
 — themolly

maybe consider some alternate  line breaks. "Illumes" doesn't sound right. It assumes a loftier tone than the rest.
Lines 6 and 16 are poignant with no hint of melodrama.
lines 7-9 gain momentum. They work. Understatement and shyness can enhance a poem.

great writing all told
 — banditfemme

wow!  thanks bandit.
 — themolly

Beautifully written.  :-)  It kind of reminds me of my "Moon in Aries" poem.  
 — starr

thanks again starr.  I'll check it out.
 — themolly