poetry critical

online poetry workshop

On Marriage

On Marriage I
I walked into the park with nothing
but a line on my face and the mark
of indifference in my eye. The cathedral
bells tolled from across the avenue. I heard
the cooing of birds overhead
and felt a snowflake kiss my nose.
Faltering, I looked up, and behold—
the lavender sky melting
off the white wings of doves! When
I screamed "Apocalypse!"
nothing stopped, but my heart
and I fell into the cold mud
that caked over my boutonniere.
(I heard the horsemen's armor
ringing in my ears, or was it my bride,
her heels, like trumpets, announcing her?) Such
is the way I died or was married, on March 15th.
On Marriage II
I was before the altar with everything
but something borrowed on my snowy dress.
Mascara inched down my cheeks like molasses;
the priest coughed with feigned worry. I heard
a crowd gasping behind me and felt
the wind pulling at my hair. Quickly,
I opened my veil, and behold—
expecting a kiss—I saw my groom
tumbling down the steps. After
I cried “Heavens!” I fainted
upon the cherry wood, then the bells
tolled. (I awoke, floating over my groom stiff
as the Cross in a patch of grass; the line burrowed
in his forehead quivered in spasms and snow
did pirouettes on his eyelashes.) Such
is the way I was married or died, on March 15th.

18 Dec 05

Rated 9.2 (8.3) by 13 users.
Active (13): 1, 6, 8, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (14): 2, 4, 5, 6, 8, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10

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(119 more poems by this author)

(10 users consider this poem a favorite)

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 — UrbanAng3l

 — ducktape

Wow. This is really a great piece. Its so unusal but not in a bad way. I'm really not sure what exactly to make of it. I want to infer some deeper meaning to it but a part of me thinks that its there to be absorbed just as it is in its simple form. Either way it speaks to me in some sort of power that I can't put my finger on. I really really like the two perspectives and the last line of each poem corresponding. The conficting of that sentence also intrigues me.
 — madderhatter

wow this is incredible rickey, how is it that you can write so well in a girl's point of view?
 — Gabriella

i'll repeat the sentiments: wow
 — unknown

Impossible not to adore.
 — listen

Impossible not to like.
 — listen

(impossible not to appreciate.)
 — listen

I want to laugh but part of me is crying back in 1971, when I married or died on May 28th.
 — Isabelle5

 — HandsomeHerb

I am absolutely beyond impressed. Original concept, flawless imagery.

A true Magnum Opus. 10 and favorite.
 — teo_omega11

I am not surprised this is on the recent best list already.

Personally, I find this poem amusing in aspects regarding the consistency of your voice. I like how you suddenly sound excited in line twenty-eight. While it is not completely clear of what is happening, it is still nonetheless clear and that is a hard thing to do. There are many interpretations that can be made of this poem, as well as many other applications to daily life, thoughts, devotions, ideas.

I like how broad it is.

Aside from poetry, it is nevertheless a great story.

I was going to say that it needs a push, or some type of nudge, which would either thicken or quicken the flow of this. However, I see this more as a short story, which helps in my understanding of this.

Line twenty is cleverly worded.

I have been known to flatter beyond belief; I do hope that I don't flatten you with encouragement, that of which makes you hate me; sometimes, people like the harsh criticism; the only problem with this poem is that it is hard to criticize; it is a happy poem, about a depressing subject, that manages to carry out its intentions while still leaving an open mind.

Thank you for sharing this poem with me, as it has seemed to wed to my intelligence.

Perhaps I should devote this poem to Wednesday?
 — Opinion

Great poem.
 — LostxItxAll

i love yoooo so much thsi poem rocks!
 — iloveyoo

Thanks for the comments, everyone.

 — unknown

i'm sorry, i don't understand what the "line" is.  Otherwise, it's pretty good, I just feel bad that I don't understand it better.
 — unknown

impressed by this. i'll be back to further comment.
 — SteelAngel

Wow... favoritized.
 — lonelygirl

wow. that's just about all i can say about this poem right now.
 — Food4DSoul

Glad to see you're still writing ;) Simply hillarious Rixes. Hillarious.
 — coldromantic

love the spite of the last line especially.
 — unknown

If your afraid of loneliness dont marry

sharply observed and executed piece - plaudits !
 — Caducus

So vivid and intriguing!  I really like the two perspectives.
 — Eiranne

do not ask for whom the bell tolls, ... this is well structured but makes me think you got to see the worst side of marriage. Hope things get better...
 — Trish77

Thanks for the comments, everyone.

Also, if anyone's wondering, I am not married. I'm only sixteen. xDD.
 — unknown

does "march 15th" have anything to do with "the ides of march" from Shakespear's Julius Ceasar?... or just julius ceasar's history?

in case neone was wondering... in the play, Ceasar is warned numerous times to "beware of the ides of march"... and thers sooo many things that forshadow his death (wich was on march 15th, also called "the ides of march")

so maybe march 15 is significant because it symbolized betrayl?... since the senate betrayed julius ceasar "et tu brutus" (his best friend, a memeber of the senet, stabbed him along w/ the other senators)...

i'm probably lookin way too into it... lemme know..?
 — mishambootie

this is very good.  i read this the first time i came on this site and thought it was a very legitimate all time best.  actually something interesting to aspire to.  
 — stint

Perfect in every way. So sad, but gorgeous.
 — fallinforyou

 — mcverse

lol, this was really entertaining, i saw it like a comedy sketch, great stuff =)
 — Ink_drinker

All I can say:  "Good Job"

boring not very good
 — unknown

Umm... ok, seek help.
 — unknown

Two points of view is a great idea, but the story is not the best. Maybe you could try again, I'd like to see the results.
 — FolleRouge

i like the irreverence of your poem and its two-tier approach. I'll re-read and maybe comment further...
 — greenmantle

Fantastic. This is beyond reality. This is beautiful.

Thank you very much. The division of the poem into two parts is very much what breaks the poem into two halves what need each other.

It is brilliant. I applaud you.
 — OKcomputer

great stuff.

i got married and layed down and cried, wailed actually, that my life was over. for the whole weekend. so i have my own interpretation of this piece. and thank you.

elegant language. i enjoyed this piece.

thank you
 — ilenelush

Hey, I like it.
I know what the problem was... you should know better than to marry on the Ides of March!!!!
 — aforbing

Maybe you should stay single.  Thanks for a good smile.
 — unknown

what a score... i can't critique this in any decent form at the moment because i'm on my way out right now...maybe just erase 'On Marriage' from each canto's title (because we already know what it's about).

but i'll be back again. pinky swear.
 — Virgil

barely a comment, no need to elaborate. 10/10. favorite. awestruck.
 — rrichards5

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