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you could have it all
unknown

the bitterness of coffee,
 1
the backbeat of a song about sex,
 2
the voice of my friend
 3
as he sings an outlawed rhyme.
 4
 
 
his car is missing a headlight.
 5
the sky gets dark early
 6
and we listen to the ocean --
 7
 
 
he agrees that free will does not exist
 8
 
 
-- while i wonder how
 9
to tell my nice boyfriend
 10
that i don't need him
 11
anymore.
 12

4 Dec 05

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Comments:

hmm i read this and really want to reararrange it and make more fluid.
i dont understand is the friend also the boyfriend?
for now im going to name the boyfriend johnny :P

the bitterness of coffee,  1
the backbeat of a rythem about sex,  2
the voice of my friend  3
as he sings an outlawed song.  4
    
Johnny's car is missing a headlight.  5
the sky gets dark early  6
and we listen to the ocean.   7    
He agrees that free will does not exist  8

While i wonder how  9
to tell my nice boyfriend  10
that i don't need him  11
anymore.

okay, so i didn't change much because the poem initially was pretty damn good. i really liked this, quite a joy to read and critique. me likey!
 — SweetPain

wait L2 makes no sense, change it to rhyme not rythem.
and a period at the end of line 8. sorry!
 — SweetPain

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