poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Lost at Sea
unknown

I was lost, and it mattered; this sea was no man.
 1
Unaccustomed to myself, newly unfit for love,
 2
I buoyed for the lengthy voyage of a life alone.
 3
 
 
Well I threw the sailors overboard;
 4
their abandoned masses dropped through meniscus.
 5
The things which remained were enough to sustain.
 6
 
 
And the gulls hawed in foreign tongues
 7
at the pirate ghosts sleeping on the lookout.
 8
 
 
I am lost. It doesn't matter. This sea will carry
 9
me in currents until I am barnacled and gray
 10
and my beams split apart at the knots.
 11

http://www.angelfire.com/journal2/musings/lostatsea.mp3

3 Dec 05

Rated 8.5 (9.3) by 2 users.
Active (2): 7, 10
Inactive (4): 8, 9, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)

(4 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

goodniceilike

my thoughts exactly with a twist on lost at sea---foot.not needed

self mire with voice

cp
 — unknown

I really like this. A little sad, but cute, too.
 — hemothymia

thanks
 — crepaway

I confess I am a little confused by your comment, crepaway.
 — Ananke

sorry--thanks for killing the foortnote...


cp
 — unknown

The word love be used sparingly, carefully, as it's been so over used in poetry.  When you use it in line 2, you prematurely give away the metaphor.  
You might consider a comma after well in l4.
It seems to me that the order in which things occur come in an unusual order.  You are speaking of being alone before you threw the sailors overboard.
I especially enjoyed lines 7-10.
 — housepoppy

fucking beautiful
 — zazza

I like this poem more now I've heard it spoken. Fabulous.
R
 — Rousseau

okaaaaaaaaaaaaay
'this is' beautiful
 — zazza

wow this is beautiful.  it sounded like heaven when you read it aloud.  awesome jorb, ananke!  (;

~duckie
 — ducktape

nicely written. good endings of each line, rhythm of its own.
 — listen

Ananke, I still love this poem - it is read wonderfully, and the words seem to fit perfectly. great write! 10
Eso
 — Esoteric

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