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My Last Day in Church
Trish77

Words spat in monotheistic rage
 1
Ambiguous claims of the dogmatic page
 2
War inspired prayer
 3
Hate filled despair
 4
And nothing seems permanent
 5
In this neo-biblical age
 6
 
 
The faith of our fathers
 7
Becomes that of our Sons
 8
Defended to the last
 9
With foreign aid guns.
 10
 
 
The blood soaked sand of those holiest places
 11
The distrusting eyes of those shell shocked faces.
 12
 
 
In God’s name we kill
 13
Terror doctrine instilled
 14
Those children of martyrs
 15
Merely youth without fathers
 16
The loss of their innocence
 17
Is the loss of our hope
 18
Because with these holy wars
 19
We can no longer cope.
 20
 
 
It’s the prayer and prostration
 21
It’s the fall of Creation
 22
It’s the cries for destruction
 23
It’s the hope of redemption
 24
It’s that God inspired hate
 25
It’s that rose tinted fate
 26
It’s the lies of past ages
 27
Brought forward in stages
 28
It’s the misuse of pages
 29
And the ruination of sages.
 30
 
 
The promised lands promise
 31
Remains broken forever
 32
Because we cannot see through
 33
These tight straining fetters
 34
That bind our minds from that ultimate truth:
 35
That universal peace
 36
Lies in the education of youth
 37
 
 
It lies in cessation and bitter compromise
 38
It lies in believing that the wise are not wise
 39
It lies in understanding that this cannot be all
 40
It lies in believing that the sacred must fall
 41
It lies in believing that we can change things
 42
Stop this
 43
Insist
 44
On peace
 45
At any price.
 46

19 Oct 05

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Comments:

converts pah!
 — Meep

who's side are you on, anyway?  
 — unknown

Good, although lines 19 and twenty just aren't my bag. I dunno, they just seem like something any poet would write, whereas this poem is something original. Please consider rewriting those two lines. The rest is pretty good, but why take religion and dumb it down to an anti-war attitude? there is so much more to God than that. Often we rail against God and blame Him for man's mistakes. Oh well, it's a pretty good poem, with a little work, it could be great.
 — Doulos

Who side am I on? Mine. And yes I agree lines 19 and 20 need some work. Any suggestions?
 — Trish77

Oh Doulous, if you look, I'm not blaming God. I'm blaming people and the use of religion as a weapon. God has very little to do with it. Thanks for making me think.
 — Trish77

with all the "it's the _____" lines of stanza 5, i find myself searching for a "that ____" to complete the thought.  sounds to me like in a lot of the lines the "it's the" could be dropped entirely, and the rest of the line could have more oomph.

other nitpicks:
line 31: land's

this is good work, just needs to be tightened a little.
 — SteelAngel

there should be no side. we're all on one side, for fuck sake! wake the fuck up!

clever idea trish. the use of religion instead of the faith in... nice one...
 — unknown

I feel the anger and the disillusionment.  I think maybe the 3rd or 4th verses could be removed, since they are basically going on with the thought, perhaps a bit too  long.

It's good writing.
 — Isabelle5

very nice piece. you must be really brave to post something like this here...
 — linush

nah, its not bravery...I just try to be honest in how I see things. there are always three sides to every story... thanks for your comments...
 — Trish77

I like this one, it runs along with themes that I can relate to...good job, well written.
 — crazynlove3

thanks crazy, preciate your words-trish
 — Trish77

Peace at any cost is submission to total corruptible evil. Peace at any cost is slavery. Real peace is obtained through diligence. You confuse war with evil, that war is something so terrible in and of itself to be a thing loathed when in fact a good war will hold fast to those principals that allow use to voice these very opinions. Freedom is worth dying for, as can be shown by the many thousands in the West who have died for preserving our way of life.

Death in battle and causalities of war can be justified by the very belief in God that you are now denying. The bible is not some made up fairytale; it is a work of non-fiction, not fiction. If it were able to be disproved then it would make the front page of every newspaper in the world. You left church because of you, not them, not because of war, not because of hypocrisy, you left because you do not want to live by the set of rules that the bible stipulates, you don’t like the way God runs things, you know what, Satan left for the same reasons.  
 — unknown

In truth, we do not kill in "God's name".  For God said:  "Love Thy Neighbour as Thyself".  God said "I am Love".  I do not know which religious faith tells people to kill in God's name.  Can you tell me which church has "terror doctrine instilled"?  It would be interesting to know of which faith you speak, for Christians would be shocked to hear of such a church as this.
 — unknown

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