poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Burning House of Love
SweetPain

On a cloud of romantic ecstasy she floats
 1
away,
 2
away,
 3
away
 4
to a land of pink plaid polka dots and pretty little girly things.
 5
 
 
Now blinded by her own ambition for
 6
a love on grounds so intoxicatingly high
 7
she forgets the important
 8
practical
 9
logical things about life.
 10
 
 
Like turning off the iron.
 11

16 Oct 05

Rated 8 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (0): 8

(define the words in this poem)
(71 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

lol
 — Maxximmuss

thanks for commenting Maxximmuss
 — unknown

Your first two stanzas distacted me by getting me to think this was going to be another adolescent pining-away-for-lost-love kind of thing.  As soon as you got me close enough & lowered my defenses, you stab me in the neck with the last line.  Cool!  Now pass me a band-aid.
 — corvus

haha, how  bout a hug corvus?
lol thanks for the comment.
 — SweetPain

no comments homies?
 — SweetPain

I suggest changing L5 'pretty' to 'scented', thus tying in the last line.

Otherwise this is short and sweet, well done.

corvus, where'd your poems go dude?
 — b00

thanks b00, but i think i will keep L5 as is. thanks for taking the time anyhow.
 — SweetPain

A house of love built upon deception and unfaithfulness will soon tumble down.
            ;          &nbs p;          &nb sp;          &n bsp;          & nbsp;                       ;      Lamar Cole
 — unknown

good insight.
 — SweetPain

It's good, I like it, but in line five, "girly things" doesn't seem to fit.
 — ashley87

suggestions ?
because, personally i dont find that to be a weak point in the poem.
thanks for taking the time though ashley87!
 — SweetPain

0.747s