poetry critical

online poetry workshop

Paper planes

folding paper again,
making able planes
from failures.
bending, pressing,
sliding two edges together;
licking paper cuts,
draining weakness,
soul is leaking
drop and drop.
folding paper,
once again,
in my head.

14 Oct 05

Rated 9 (8.3) by 1 users.
Active (1): 9
Inactive (2): 7, 9

(define the words in this poem)
(42 more poems by this author)

(2 users consider this poem a favorite)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


may i suggest lithium. just kidding, a nice piece
 — coodaygraw

Fantastic. seriously. One of my favorites.
 — PureSunShine

 — tragicbubble

dont use soul, its very cliche in the poetry world, try essence or being, even spirit would work
 — activism87

There are elements to work with here.  Rather than puddyfoot around critting, please let me show my own personal -pref- for a poemlet that would please -me-... maybe not others, but all I can say is how it would work better for me.  

Folding paper once again.
Making able, paper planes...
from failures, bending, pressing,
sliding both edges together.
Paper cuts are  draining.
The soul is leaking drop by drop,
folding paper falling planes,
once again,
in my head.
 — netskyIam

a poem based on your comment:

it's so cliche to say soul is cliche in a poetry
fantatstic may I suggest a little lithium

like puddyfoot-ing around critting I like pudding
netsky i'am
netsky i'am

in my head
once again
planes falling and paper folding
drop by drop
leaking is soul
draining paper cuts
together edges
sliding, pressing, bending
failures from paper planes
able making
once agian

netsky i'am

-----------------I'm on crack

 — unknown

i gotta try some of that crack
 — aerol

oh pilot, my pilot

 — unknown

 — listen

slight edit.
 — aerol

This captures something of my state of being with the line folding paper in my head.Its the reason that however hard I try I stay grounded.

Larry Plain sailing Lark
 — larrylark

Newest (expand)
  • Lunar Dews
  • Salvation???
  • //bartender at suzie-Q's on thursday mornings//
  • she drives by my house every couple of weeks
  • Lost at Sea
  • pizza en retard pour nuit
  • A Run-[On] How I Hate Where They Located Me
  • Birthday
  • god will forget about the weather
  • CDXX
  • step-aside
  • flamingos that danced
  • Organic decibels
  • prohibited disorder kids
Recently Commented (expand)
Recent Best (expand)