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cliche for the last time.
pull_my_hair

it was routine
 1
the diner we visited
 2
every thursday night
 3
on the corner of third.
 4
 
 
i would make faces with the food
 5
on my plate.
 6
he'd order the same dish
 7
and roll his eyes
 8
when he wasn't satisfied with it.
 9
 
 
i would play with the straws
 10
resting on my glass
 11
and peer secretly through menus at him
 12
when conversation was clearly over with.
 13
 
 
we sat there in silence
 14
as the clanging of dishes
 15
and orders being yelled
 16
were the only noise heard,
 17
overhead.
 18
 
 
he left a tip for the waitress
 19
then made his exit toward the door.
 20
a paper napkin dressed in ketchup
 21
explained whatever notion i had second guessed
 22
in a message that read:
 23
 
 
"i'm protecting mine.
 24
break your own heart this time."
 25

20 Sep 05

Rated 8.4 (8.1) by 18 users.
Active (18): 1, 7, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (3): 1, 3, 7, 7, 8, 8, 8, 8, 9, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(49 more poems by this author)

(13 users consider this poem a favorite)
FolleRouge
gonewrong
hoagie
imahabit
joshcoops
ken
Leigh
LostWaves
luv2liv78
NathanSimms
pixielite
stateofmind
WordsAndMe



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Comments:

i really like this.  it has a continuous panache that seems to be more of a reflex than a conscious thought-- with the absence of any discernible rhyming pattern, that is a very good thing.

i'm especially in love with "peer secretly through menus", and "a paper napkin dressed in ketchup."  is it a coincidence that both blood and ketchup are red?

smile.
midare
 — midare

Just came up as a random poem . nice . maybe take out with it on 9. Take care .
 — sir_I_clan

I love this poem - simply.  Its so relatable... perhaps thats because I'm a teenager, or maybe it is symbolically relatable to everyone on some level.  The images are perfect - the last lines are genius.  So true.

Favorite.
 — WordsAndMe

how can i not love a poem that mentions making faces in food? this is fantastic. i love the descriptions and the unexpected ending.
 — HandsomeHerb

l12: peered
 — unknown

I love it! It's a Favorite.
My only issue is L18. But I'm not sure how to improve on it.
Very good poem.
 — FolleRouge

Every once in a while there is a poem that fits your life so well, its a touch creepy yet comforting all the while.

He and I visit a diner on third.  God bless irony.
 — WordsAndMe

Good poem .Endings well potrayed through an unusual slant.
 — larrylark

Wow.
Uhm.
Hm.
I love this.
Like..a whole bunch.
Great job..
I love the ending, it couldn't be more perfect.
 — fallinforyou

this poem lets us into your mind.
quite good.
 — thehalfman

This is a lovely poem. I love how it made the whole picture so clear and caught me with the unexpected last two lines. Loved it.
 — Nostalgia

I really enjoyed the diction and rhetorical use of making the poem bland and dull, giving a full explanation of the boredom you recieved at the diner. Good job
 — piracypatric

*standing ovation* alrite lets hear it!!!! whats the deal with airline food? *crickets chirp* right. lets hear it! this is great! 10!
 — NathanSimms

holy poo from above!!  this is by far the best poem i read since ive started this!!  you build a story around lack of communication and crowned it with two lines in ketchup.  well deserved ten!
 — ken

I love the ending...i can totally relate...we all should protect our own hearts at times...unfortunetly I was never that smart.
 — nightengale

I liked this a lot. When I started to read this, I really couldn't stop. Good Job =)

10.
 — forevergone

Line 12 - need to change play to played, since you're in the past tense.  Line 13 is awkward.  Can you make it better?  Convesation lagged, conversation slowed, drifted, stopped abruptly...

Do you need 'there' in line 14?  We know you're there.  Overhead sounds like it comes from the ceiling, do you need it at all?  We know how sound travels.  

We sat in (comfortable, uncomfortable, companionable?) silence,
the clang of dishes and dinner orders
being yelled the only noise we heard.

Exit toward the door.  Do you need exit and toward the door?  We know the exit is toward the door, could he just make his exit or head toward the door?  And drop the 's' from toward, there is no such word as towards.

Line 21 needs to NOT start with and.

I think that if you flipped lines 24-25, you'd make a stronger impact
 — Isabelle5

Reminds me of the work of Toni Morrison. Great.
 — icepineapple

I like dressed in ketchup!
 — FemmeInLA

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