poetry critical : poem

in the green room

cruellshoos

she sings childish songs	1
morphine duets	2
as the cancer	3
eats her bones	4

9 Aug 05

Rated 8.9 (8.4) by 11 users.

Active (11): 7, 8, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (8): 1, 3, 6, 7, 8, 8, 8, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(3 more poems by this author)

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Comments:

aww shucks
that sucks
but the poem's nice
— themolly

i'm so sorry. so sorry. this is beautiful.

perhaps children's songs?
— noodleman

Oh, ouch and my God.
— Isabelle5

http://poetry.tetto.o rg/read/14458/

http://poetry.tetto.o rg/read/16121/

http://poetry.tetto.o rg/read/10815/

you might relate cruellshoos.
— noodleman

they were actually dirty little ditties--she was pushing 90.
thankyou nm, i was inspired by your tanka.
— unknown

thanks for the links nm
— unknown

This was a tragically sad poem.
:-(
My grandma has cancer, so this touched deep.
Nice job.
— eyesParadox

thanks for your poem, cs :)
— noodleman

I absolutely love the idea of the old woman high on morphine singing raunchy tunes!  Spit in the eye of the disease and sing loud.  That's great!
— Isabelle5

that was her alright!  much thanks.
— cruellshoos

its short, but it has beauty.
— divinity

it's short because it's tanka-inspired.  tanka are only 5 lines.
— cruellshoos

this is beautiful.
— unknown

thanks.
— cruellshoos

what does our tanka man think?
— cruellshoos

noodle?
— unknown

morhine duets killed me.

Exceptional and heart crushing.
— Narnia

depressing i loved it.

Line 2 aches with grief and irony.

Caducus
— unknown

Thanks for the poetic comments.

-cs
— unknown

Since I've been coming to this site, I've wondered over how childish one has to be to give an unjustified low rating.  Doing that to a poem such as this is just obscene.
— unknown

duh, by tanka man i meant noodleman, and he's already commented. sorry.
thanks, i'm used to the trolls.
— cruellshoos

beautiful

(not happy)
— Erowen

whoops forgot to rate!
— Erowen

It reminds me of "Heart Shaped Box" by Nirvana.
beautiful and tragic.
— lacklusterrr

thank you.
— unknown

In the great green room
There was a telephone
And a red balloon
And a picture of
The cow jumping over the moon.

From the book Goodnight Moon
— propoet50

oh God. This is chilling. So real. It's good not to pansy up something like cancer. Everything here is cleverly worded and delivers a shock and a sadness. I feel lucky now that I'm alright. Thanks for the stark reminder not to take my health for granted.
— bleach

STUPID POEM
— unknown

tragic and striking. don't change anything.
— SteelAngel

NICE POEM, HAHAHA!
Meep
— unknown

HAHAHA?
— unknown

that kills.....owch.
— Roquelle

Nothing amazing but good for the style. ~techno
— technomancer

Like a pop in the chest.  Effective for a four-lined poem.  L2's "morphine duets" especially.
But the use of "childish" in L1 seems judgemental.  I say make the line "she sings songs".  That way it goes: 3 syllables, 4, 4, 3 (although L4 is technically 4 syllables, it feels like 3)

I give this an 8.
— aurelius

this hurts...
— GreenDreams

wellthen
am i th'only one
who thinks the singer in this poem
is warming up for the
BIG SHOW?
the "green room" is where (in the tv business) the talk-show guests wait
before they go out on stage with the host...

very good title
— chuckles

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