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Holden Caulfield was a Friend

Holden, my friend,
I wish we could have drank a tonic and gin.
And talked about the world at large.
We are too much alike,
we both hate phonies.
The man that created me hates me
and the Man that created you hates you.
The only difference is:
The Man that created you, could have saved the world.
Salinger, you dick.
You laid down your pen,
Just when I was about to do something with my life.
You could have saved a whole generation;
you could have saved me.
J.D. Salinger,
This is to you:
You ruined my life.
Thank you.

8 Aug 05

Rated 7.3 (7.3) by 8 users.
Active (8): 6, 6, 7, 9, 9
Inactive (8): 2, 6, 6, 7, 7, 7, 7, 7, 8, 10, 10

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l2- could've
l4- alike
l7- get rid of the random comma
l9- still that damn comma
l11-15 is too repetitive. and it's so much for not saying anything.
 — unknown

thanks, made some changes
 — bear

dont blame salinger, you dick.
he's just a writer, like you.
be yourself.  be braver than him.
holden is fiction.  you are you.
get up and be you for me.

- the fat lady
 — unknown

actually, i hate the way he just stopped writing because of everyone else. he was an amazing writer, and he just quit. but there are a lot of people who actually hate him... i dont hate him, i just wish he wrote more. thats all. but thanks for the advice about being me.
 — bear

Ah! The Catcher in the Rye!! Good book innit!? I wished he still wrote as well and yes he was an excellant writer! :)
 — WildSymphony

Friend. difference
Line 2 would read better as tonic and gin.
Overall, I don't think the comparison--4 thru 9--works very well.  Gives it a whiny adolescent feel.

I think you should re-write using "what if...", as in what would you do and talk about if you met.
 — housepoppy

field of dreams, anyone?
 — midare

ive never seen field of dreams... what does it have to do with this?
 — bear

salinger was a great writer and if he had written a lot more, who knows if everything would have been of the same high quality as his other work.
maybe its better to burn out than to fade away
 — misswyoming

 — BoundFeet

i could never get the hang of spelling...

misswyoming, you may be right, but i still wish he wrote more
 — bear

me too
 — misswyoming

 — rob

i wasnt going for cute, but whatever you think
 — bear

according to his old mistress, he still writes about the glass family.  just doesnt share it.  keeps it all in a vault.  he couldnt save the world.  he does provide a nice point of departure.
the last stanza doesnt say anything.
could of or could have?  if youre using could of for effect, you still need to be consistent with l9.
 — gnormal

more consistent now, thanks. and if he does not share what he writes, to the rest of the world he is not writing.
 — bear

 — Estrella

thank you for the high rating!
 — bear

you're quite welcome.  you deserved it.
 — Estrella

hooray for nice people on this site!
 — bear

 — Estrella

oh my god, this is so coincidental, because i just finished reading "the catcher in the rye" the othe day. i had wanted to read it for so long, but i never knew i actually had it at my house. i loved it so much, it was so well written. you know how some people write in actions, and other people write in thoughts? he wrote in the words you speak, and it was so effective. i was o upset when it ended, ecause the book actually didn't start or end very well, i just wanted to keep reading. it was a tease, just getting you interested, and then turning away.

so yeah, i like that book. if i hadn't have read it recently, i would not have known what this poem was on about. ok, i gotta go to class, but this poem was good.
 — Lia

well i'm glad you enjoyed it! class is no fun, so maybe this will stick in your head and make it fun?
 — bear

lol, sorry, i was raving, and the school keyboards are always dodgy, so sorry for all the typos.

i don't even think i understand all of the poem, like, the two middles stanzas. i am very simple, ok?

i hate making my stupidity blatantly apparent, but i will do so to ask for an explanation of this poem, if you would give me one.
 — Lia

alright, you know the part of the novel where holden was like "have you ever read a really good book, and you didnt want it to end? dont you want to meet the author and talk about it? well when people tryed to do that with my boy jd, he hated it. everyone thought he was holden caulfield, and he kept insisting that he was not until he became a bitter old man and quit writing. i'm not saying he could have made world peace or anything, but if he had continued writing for the public, i'm sure things would have been different.

as a side note, just to prove what a bitter old man he is:
his daughter approached him, telling him that she was pregnant. he told her to get an abortion because the world is too cruel to raise a kid in...
 — bear

oh, man. ow annoying for everyone. he writes such fascinating things. what a hypocrite. a bitter, bitter hypocrite.
 — Lia

*how annoying
 — Lia

yea, he's no fun. i've had many discussions about him with my lit teacher.
 — bear

its really up to us as individuals to dreate a better place, not relying on people like salinger!! Whats wrong with not writing! its up to him! he'd probably had neough of the hype and though it daft. besides, its not that inspiring a book, it ends very sadly. Its a good swipe at (american)society in the 1950's thst is all.
 — philosophile

Bloody hell !!! just read all my typos because I was writing too quick!
For F**ks sake, there are literally millions of writers to choose from today writing similar stuff. If you were a painter and decorator and quit after  your first job becasue you'd prefer to try something else you llike better, what'd be wrong with that! ok I'm done.
 — philosophile

tonic and gin? gin and tonic!
 — unknown

philosophile, i 100% totally agree with you. i have found the holden is the most relatable character in literature for me. i find we have a lot in common. it just saddens me that salinger came to hate what i thought was perfection.

unknown, i realize it is gin and tonic but tonic and gin sounds better in the poem
 — bear

Eh, how did you figure that out? How can tonic and gin sound better than round the way everyone recognizes it, gin and tonic? Tonic and gin just sounds uneducated and dumb.
 — unknown

read the first two lines first how i have it and the with gin and tonic, tell me which sounds better to you.
 — bear

Gin and Tonic sounds better.
 — unknown

alright, you win. but i'm not changing it, sorry mate.
 — bear

 — ducktape

 — bear

simple & lovely
 — wordlover

Almost good. Lines four and five are a simplistic representation of holden and his thought processes. Stanza two is a good idea, but does not express itself well. it comes off awkward and ugly looking.

Ten is something which could be even better if the rest of the piece supported it.

I like the idea, but the whole piece is just not executed well, except for line ten.
 — wendz

thnkas wordlover!

hmmmm how do u think i can make it less ugly and run with the idea in line 10, wendz?
 — bear

the past tense of lay is "laid" (L11)
is the "could of" isn't correctly written, and should be "could have"
i wonder if you did it on purpose? if you did, it seems to take away from the poem, because it seems sloppily written.

but otherwise i think it's got a good message and uses Holden's voice or the voice of the Man that created him very well.

 — ileviyou

made the changes, thanks!
 — bear

L9 too?
 — ileviyou

changed it. thank you so much for your time!
 — bear

insert some applause
 — scenecharade

haha ill take a bow!
 — bear

It seems like it could use some work as far as puncuation goes; the flow of the whole thing just isn't right. Too many periods, which tend to make the line feel like a complete thought. I think you really have a great idea here (reader vs. writer, to an extent), but it needs some work with the delivery. Lines 10-18 are probably my favorite, but the rest of it needs to be revised. I just found the first stanza to be too plain and boring, and the only thing keeping me from stopping is my love for the book The Catcher In The Rye.

You have the right idea, though. I hope you somehow are able to improve this poem from my advice.
 — mixtapeboy

could you help with the punctuation? i am horriable when it comes to grammar.
 — bear

 — imahabit

Well, I think ending line 4 with a comma would improve things somewhat. Maybe end line 13with a semi-colon... and actually, it looks okay beyond that. I read the poem again, and I'm really starting to like the last stanza. The whole "You ruined my life. / Thank you." part reminds me of Marla Singer from Fight Club saying, "You're the worse thing to ever happen to me." It's charming and a great way to end a bitter poem.
 — mixtapeboy

thanks imahabit!

and thank you mixtapeboy, i made the changes. fight club is a classy movie/novel.
 — bear

very well done.
 — themolly

the creep that gave you a two is just insane with jealousy
 — themolly

o man, thank you very much!
 — bear

L2 & 3 make them into the same sentence
L6 shouldn't "man" be capitalised?
L9, 12, 16 & 17 don't start with capital
 — inutile

This poem is wack, but that book ruled.

 — unknown

haha it was a good book
 — bear

this is absolutely brilliant poetrie d'ingenue
 — jumpoline

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