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My Idle Depression

the faucet
the clock
they are destroying me
the pillow
the couch
they are seducing me
I have become
what they want
I am done
they have won
stick a fork in me

28 Jul 05

Rated 8.1 (8.2) by 13 users.
Active (13): 2, 5, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (12): 4, 5, 6, 7, 7, 7, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(8 more poems by this author)

(11 users consider this poem a favorite)

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aaaaawwww.  honey.  i'm sorry.
 — unknown

this is on.  I get that way.  Well done.
 — themolly

let me know if you need anything.  i am so sorry.
 — tiedtoes

 — unknown

Thank you guys.  You're too much.
 — BoundFeet

I feel this way right now.  Kudos.
 — Estrella

This is just brilliant.

Simple, perceptive, original and, with the inclusion of line 7, very funny. I grinned at that point, a wry, sympathetic grin.

I've just read your Icicle poem and loved it. When you're good, you're very very good. Look forward to finding some more gems amongst your work. Well done.
 — smugzy

You have made me blush again, smugz.  Thanks!
 — BoundFeet

drop line 9. 11 is repetetive otherwise.
 — noodleman

the rest is wonderful, btw. (8)
 — noodleman

I like this. L 1-3 is wonderful. I can hear the drop:tick:drop:tick:drop:tick tick tick tick.
I totally understand gazing at the sofa and pillow witha tired yearning.

Maybe (as per Noodleman's comment) L 7-10 could be...

"I have become
what they want
fight is done
they have won "

Or maybe I'm talking out my taint! ahaha, wait.. I'm not sure I have one of those... (checking) nope!
 — JessieVideo

Girls have Taints, Boys have Prostates....right?
 — BoundFeet

Thank you for the rating....
 — BoundFeet

I think boys have taints.. although... i'm not sure.  IT's the space between the (ahem) penis and bumholethere....  so since I don't have the aforementioned penis...I don't think I have one..  I'll ask my boyfriend for clarificaiton.
 — JessieVideo

holy crap.  i've never been at the top of the list before.  i'm sure this won't last long
 — BoundFeet

Well, all taint aside, it's a very cool little poem you got here :)
 — JessieVideo

i have one more little comment:

remove they in 3 and 6, as it is implied

make sofa couch, then switch 4 and 5. then you will have

clock (1 beat) faucet (2 beats)

couch (1 beat) pillow (2 beats)

the clock  1
the faucet  2
are destroying me  3

the couch  4
the pillow  5
are seducing me  6

and follow with dropping 9


I have become
what they want
they have won

stick a fork in me

otherwise you have 3 lines essentially saying the same thing (i am done) which is too too too repetetive.

this should be reduced to its simplest barest form, IMO.
 — noodleman

I really like the rhythm- like putting harmony to despair.

This is a good one- 9
 — sacred573

I like L9...but thanks for the rest.  I agree, and I've changed it.
 — BoundFeet

Congrats on making number 1.
 — sacred573

 — MeltsinRain

Thanks folks.  I am certain it will not last, but it feels good, nonetheless.
 — BoundFeet

Hey, this is exactly how ennui feels!  Nice description of a teense of depression.
 — Isabelle5

oooh Bound, I guess you're on top :)
 — JessieVideo

Up to 9. better.
 — noodleman

Thank you.  You are more generous that I had previously imagined.  I am all aflutter-
 — BoundFeet

I do not eat meat.

And I ain't living to stick forks in people

(and my english sucks. I know)
 — opium

im not generous. its a damn good poem. it deserves a good number.

im still pissed at you dammit.
 — noodleman

I don't eat meat either.
 — BoundFeet


please forgive me.

 — BoundFeet

Great, now go read some other poems!
 — unknown

I like the domestic symbols and being beaten down by them - very perceptive interpretation of depression, but technically, the form is clumsy. It's so stuck in repetition that it  sonds superficial.
 — opal

sonds - sounds.
 — opal

i'm sorry you feel that way.  It is supposed to drive you mad the way depression compounds average drudgery.
 — BoundFeet

An idea - try it without the first 2 'theys' - read it to yourself a few times like that and see what you think.
 — opal

 — unknown

OOOoooooooooo a 5 and a 6.  Thanks unknown haters.  Can't stand to see someone do well, can you?
 — BoundFeet

This is good!  Did you change it?  It seems different.
 — Estrella

not bad at all.
u said very few words, but they were all used correctly, and conveyed the right emotion. good stuff. keep at it. not the depression ofcourse. the writing i meant.
 — sabz3003

it looks like someone fucked you with a 5.

they're a butthead. this is good.
 — noodleman


Love you to death, but this is just awful.
 — unknown

It's really not, but ok.
 — unknown

OOhhh now i'm on top!  
 — JessieVideo

Not anymore, sweetheart.  Oh, how the tables keep on turning-
 — unknown

Well and economically described through effective use of imagery
 — larrylark

Impressive simplicity.
 — Hear

 — unknown

Now I'm on top and on bottom. So there.  Still love this poem btw. :)
 — JessieVideo

you cheeky little monkey
 — unknown

Now that my bi-polar pendulum has swung the other direction, reading this hurts.
 — BoundFeet

love this. many can relate to feeling beat down by the mundane.
 — SteelAngel

 — unknown

Gosh I know how that feels, and i'm feeling it right now.  I couldn't even come close to expressing it half as well.  

Favorite - 10
 — sleepnomore

thank you
 — BoundFeet

 — noodleman

 — tiedtoes

I like it.  I feel it.  I like the simplicity.  I like the laarge statement in a few words and the mood of frustration.  My only objection is the last line.  Too used and frayed.
 — unknown

any suggestions?
 — unknown

I might end it at line 10. Otherwise, I love it. I totally relate. ~Q~
 — Quichemarie

great work
 — bakeryattack

Thanks folks
 — unknown

 — unknown

 — BoundFeet

Haha...I love this.
 — iamgit

awww thanks
 — BoundFeet

I like this a lot. I want to visit you too. Just like the author of Children of Oceania. Great work. Perfect. Sorry you're so bored. 10/10. Sorry.
 — Henry

thanks to you
 — BoundFeet