poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Nobody is commenting on my poems.
unknown

Fuckers
 1
Bastards
 2
Pricks
 3
 
 
All their poems are
 4
being commented on;
 5
but not mine.
 6
 
 
I might as well wait for a
 7
stone to hatch or a blackbird
 8
to bake me a pie.
 9
 
 
Wankers
 10
Imbeciles
 11
Dogbreaths
 12
 
 
Comments
 13
Comments
 14
Comments
 15
 
 
They are treated like gods
 16
as their excrement is purred over
 17
like pate de fois gras.
 18
 
 
I might as well slash my wrists
 19
and shake them vigorously
 20
over pages of pristine
 21
bedsheets.
 22
 
 
Gobshites
 23
Arseholes
 24
Grandads
 25
 
 
Comments
 26
Comments
 27
Comments
 28
 
 
 
 
Fuckers
 29
Bastards
 30
Pricks.
 31

12 Jul 05

Rated 7.9 (7.5) by 9 users.
Active (9): 1, 1, 5, 7, 8, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (14): 1, 5, 6, 7, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)

(3 users consider this poem a favorite)
1994
aura
elysium



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Comments:

bastardos all!  This is great fun!  Let's all go to Lanai, write poems in the sand.
 — Isabelle5

There should probably be either some periods or commas after L1, 2 and 3.

The line breaks at L4-6 are rather generic and the words themselves, stiff. Maybe their should be a comma after L5.

L7-10 shows promise. I say, extract them, work with them, and something beautiful might be born.

Also, L11-13 should model L1-3 in respect to punctuation.

Not only have I commented on a poem of yours, I've critiqued it. I guess you'll now need to change that 'Nobody' in your title to, 'Mostly Nobody' or 'Almost Nobody' or even 'Most Likely Noone.'

rxs
 — unknown

Absolutely not those names RX!

You should change it to "The Important People have commented on my poems!"

Have some confidence.  I'll give you some of mine if you're lacking, okay?

the goddess
 — Isabelle5

Don't blame the sentiment but you emote a bit much. My last two poems only drew one comment so far and I'm not putting stuff like this in here. Good luck!
 — wamblicante

You have my attention, now write a poem.
 — junky

this actually drew my attention to wamblicante, and now im off to comment on his poems.

leave a name here, so i dont have to exhert any effort i finding you, and i might read some of yours as well, perhaps.
 — Lia

Fuckers
Bastards
Pricks
 — unknown

dont feel bad, its their loss eh?

just quietly churn out exceptional works and be quietly proud....
 — b00

boo hoo
 — unknown

Wankers
Imbeciles
Dogbreaths
 — unknown

Hear hear!
 — megabyte

?
 — unknown

HYSTERICAL. ong. Favorited. Ten.
 — aura

heh, that made me chuckle.
 — astrophel

What a laugh and its just how i feel sometimes when my shining wonderful esoteric deeply penetrative work is completely and utterly ignored
 — larrylark

yes yes!! bastards! all of em!! i know what u mean - no one's commenting on my poems either!
 — sabz3003

I know this. I always get missed out of those poems where they cunningly and punningly insert the names of 243 PC poets into a modernist paeon that celebrates their marvelously eccentric and witty qualities. Jaundiced moi? jamais.
 — opal

Brilliant when read aloud too!
 — opal

rage against the machine, i wouldn't be so paranoid if everyone would just leave me alone
 — coodaygraw

Funny... I admit, but not a true contender for the weekly top 40.
I appreciate the sentiment, though.
 — aforbing

Join the club, sweetie.
 — junky

oh god.....LOL!!!  i feel your PAIN.....
k.
 — pghpoet

you're bitter.  take a tranq
 — unknown

I'm in a poem!!!!  Wow, I'm honored...Who are you though?  Try e-mail me...I'd like to know!!
 — SaleenDriva

It's ok SD, have fixed to save you the embarrassment of having your name featured in a poem by a poet whose poems nobody comments on.  You will thank me for this in the future.
 — unknown

:) says it all
 — alltherage

hmph!
 — Roz

Bastards
Imbeciles
Arseholes
 — unknown

my simpwafees go out to you wight now!

wicked good

wicked wicked good

i wuv dis too.

so many powems to wuv today

i fank you tweemendously


wogerle
 — unknown

ROFL, dude you rock...

I like:
They are treated like gods  
as their excrement is purred over  
like pate de fois gras.

It's funny because amongst the angst, which is half-joking and half-serious (the way I see it at least), is some pretty decent writing. I don't usually rate but I'm going to give you a 10.

-ramher
 — unknown

anybody read pricks latest one?
 — unknown

not as good as his others... but still much better then whats ever going on up there
 — unknown

*giggles*
 — WordsAndMe

well u got what you wanted ha!
 — Delicatelie

Out of frustration, good work. A rant. Not really great poetry. And certainly PC-centric. But beautifully done, with imagery worthy of reading.
 — DianaTrees

LMAO. I know, I know.. I think there are just too many people on this site. Sometimes it just seems to happen like that. :) I think we all know the feeling! Like it's almost a matter of chance these days if someone sees it and notices or not. We all want attention, we are all such amazing writers, it's just so hard to keep up! Too much inspiration and too few critics, perhaps? ;P

"What a laugh and its just how i feel sometimes when my shining wonderful esoteric deeply penetrative work is completely and utterly ignored."

haha
 — elysium

its not a poem
until it is's a poem.
 — gnormal

well no one comments on mine, so I wouldn't worry - there is something special about being ignored :)
 — unknown

unless of course your Larry, lets write  a million poems in afternoon lark
 — unknown

funny shit.
 — aerol

Gobshites
Arseholes
Grandads
 — unknown

CONSIDERING I HAVE COMMENTED ON THIS POEM, DOES THAT MEAN THAT YOU ARE A FUCKER, BASTARD, PRICK, GOBSHITE, ARSEHOLE, GRANDAD, WANKER, IMBECILE WITH DOGBREATH?
JUST CURIOUS YOU UNDERSTAND
 — unknown

Shoutists
SmartAlecs
Commaholics
 — unknown

I like what you've done with the swearing.
There, comment on mine now.  
The final ending, go!
 — SoDelGirl

Who you calling grandad you fucker.Truly excellent poem.

Larry Pops Lark
 — larrylark

The word Gobshite should be elevated as a title for leaders. The Prime Minister Gobshite, Taoiseach Gobshite, President Gobshite, The Honurabel Gobshite, Right Reverend Gobshite, His Eminence (the Gobshite).

Ah that's better.
 — unknown

This is
 — septima_pica

Whoops. That was stupid. What i meant to say was: This is entirely amusing, and I sympathize. Also you're really quite a good writer, too, as lines 17-23 let slip -- I mean, lots of people think to write about wrist-cutting but few would bother to use the word "vigorously" about it, and it works pretty damn well in this poem. I'm amused. Also, yeah, they don't read my poems either.
 — septima_pica

i feel the same way, i had a fit, got over it and all of the sudden those feelings are rushing up and coming back to me.  thanks for that.  *wink*
 — mmoneypenny

Brilliant! (except for 19 to 22) heehee's ll round.
 — themorrigan

haha...i'm glad you posted an actual poem with your title.
others that post saying that no ones commenting their poems fail to
actually write their feeling on the subject in a poem.
 — unknown

I'm pretty sure you never commented on any of mine.
 — unknown

i really like lines 8 and nine and 19-22. how you say "pages" of bedsheets is so fetch. something about line 4 and 5 is wierd. maybe phrase it different?? i dont know.
 — popyelle

Pray tell, who are "they' that you refer to? You fear not the Divine Retribution of the PC Gods? You badass!

this made me go -_-, then -_-;;;, then xD

Well done, in words :D
 — wendz

Hm, and strangely enough, I get the feeling that you're an uber-talented writer. I wonder who lurks beneath the unknown face.
 — wendz

Well, what can I say
Meep
 — unknown

A funny poem but not suitable for a 7 year old even an uber-seven year old.
Meep
 — unknown

liar
 — unknown

Bravisimo!
 — starr

OHH . i thought i would comment on your poem.




but there are too many already:-(
 — trochee

sweetly paranoid.

excellent strategy.
 — banditfemme

I am!  I am!  I like the profanity because it works in this instance.  Very funny, BITCH!
 — starr

I figured I toss in a little profanity too!  
 — starr

hahaha
well done
 — photobooth

Interesting ploy.  I like.  ^ ^
 — 1994

Sycophants
Losers
Hyperbolists
 — unknown

this serves no purpose. this site is so people can get help with stuff hoping one day to publish or in some way have their work recognized. thanks for wasting my time?
 — Trish77

Bitches
Witches
Pedantic Pontificators
 — unknown

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