poetry critical

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Canvas
rattlesnakes

I wanted love and I wanted pink ballet and blue
 1
Bikini beach days with friends in the summer
 2
Wanted pianos and lizards in jars and
 3
Anything else to delight my new senses
 4
 
 
I went to the city with ties straight as laces
 5
And corporate kangaroos clutching briefcases
 6
Where water is found in neat plastic bottles
 7
That find their way down to the helpless white beaches
 8
 
 
We don’t stop absorbing the mind of the masses
 9
We can’t stop conforming to fit our containers
 10
 
 
The new shiny bible said I need blue shoes to be
 11
Over the bronze in this competition
 12
So I see the only cards to feint with
 13
Must be the ones you make or break with
 14
 
 
She taught at my temple like coring an apple
 15
One generous twist makes it easy to swallow
 16
The secret resentment of mothers and daughters
 17
We might have avoided if she had aborted
 18
Nobody to blame for the things I let happen and
 19
No other girl’s shame can hide behind Blahniks
 20
 
 
Accentuate calves like kitten heel flip flops or
 21
Heighten like cork wedge
 22
Platform wraps on spray tanned legs
 23
 
 
And I wonder can I work it does it
 24
Complement my handbag can I
 25
Wear it with a straightjacket
 26
 
 
I wanted love and loud nights out dancing
 27
And blue button beetles on peace lily flowers
 28
Wanted a story that led to more stories and
 29
Dreams that stay with me from sleep into waking
 30
 
 
Wet colours running together on canvas
 31
We don’t stop absorbing the mind of the masses
 32

29 Jun 05

Rated 9 (3.3) by 2 users.
Active (2): 8, 10
Inactive (3): 1, 1, 1

(define the words in this poem)
(13 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

not bad
 — unknown

Very interesting.  I like the idea of what you wanted, the pinks and blues and I love lines 24-26.  The punctuation, etc. is missing but I still like this, as it's breathless, like the story of running through life, stopping at a corner in your Nikes to catch a breath.
 — Isabelle5

Thankyou!
 — rattlesnakes

really bad, too long, shorten it you putz
 — unknown

hey you selfish prick quit writing. no good. sucks.
 — unknown

i love getting a rise out of people......so yeah, it's a worth a one i guess.....too bad there's no zero in there.............
 — unknown

nice.
 — listen

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