poetry critical

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Ugly Hormones

there is a crack in me
it's deep
if you look in there
you will see
i am really not that pretty
the picture of pity
you looked in there
at all
to see
love is leaking out
on the couch        
all over the bed
every night when i sleep
my libido was taken up months ago
my skin's gone back to high school      
i am less than before
i am less flooding the floor
somebody come to help me
somebody come to stop the leaking
i'm          bleed ing

21 Jun 05

Rated 2 (7) by 4 users.
Active (4): 1, 1, 3, 10
Inactive (4): 8, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)

(2 users consider this poem a favorite)

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This almost sounds like that disease where you bleed out of every hole in your body until you die.
 — pennylane

Ebola - not pretty, neither is this.
 — unknown

 — unknown

Wow.  Is that true?
 — Estrella

You changed the title but the content is the same.  I don't understand it so I can't rate it.
 — Isabelle5

what is there to not understand?  this is about someone who has lost their love.  NOT a person that they loved, but literally their ability to have love has gotten away.
 — unknown

Is it better?
 — unknown

i don't know if it's better, but i like it.
 — unknown

i would strike 'all my' from 9 and lose the spacing in 17 but otherwise quite powerful.

veddy good.
 — noodleman

thanks noodler
 — unknown

 — noodleman

I love you, noodle.
 — unknown

I adore this poem [I've written here before but I don't know if it was accepted], and my fave line is "my skin's gone back to high school   so"  Mind gripping.
 — silverchyld

i wrote this after reading a friends work about nightmares.
 — unknown

Although the poem is powerful it is also completely negative having created a stark scenario where the speaker berates his/herself senseless, your choice of words here are apt and convey a feeling of loss of life in its basest terms with strength and style.
The poem is vague in places and meaning is lost but IS undeniably striking:

"i am less than before
i am less flooding the floor"
 — Kauf

Thankyou Kauf
 — unknown

a little different.  Is it improved??
 — unknown

nice flow. i like the two opening i's in the fourth stanza, it feels innocent. very sparing but delivers a startling situation, and message even, message of crushed love.
 — listen

thank you
 — unknown

Umm, nope.  Nothing there.
 — unknown

no offence but that poem sux make a new one!
 — unknown

how could that not be offensive?
 — unknown