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Nuclear Family
larrylark

We live at the core of a giant crater-
 1
a dust bowl blown open by World War Four.
 2
Our only means of sustinence, Joe's Burger Bar
 3
and Grocery Store, which by a miracle
 4
after the Big Bang was left hanging, then slid
 5
off the rim and down, onto the floor,
 6
to languish intact on this plain.
 7
 
 
 
 
He does great griddled eggs, just right in fact,
 8
and on Sundays, luminous fish, bright green peas,
 9
fat fries. Tuesday, he takes racing bets
 10
on six legged horses. So here we sit,
 11
and hell, it would sure be lonely, if not
 12
for my other head bred out of pure uranium,
 13
to tell me if we survive World War Five,
 14
which is imminent, we'll crawl out and search
 15
for my arms and legs,blown away,
 16
shredded like leaves on blackened trees
 17
as i crouched on my knees under the bed
 18
while sirens sounded the start of World War Three.
 19

19 Jun 05

Rated 8.7 (9.5) by 3 users.
Active (3): 6, 10, 10
Inactive (1): 9

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(222 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

just the right touch of horror
humor  and the outrageous
to make this a pleasureable read

goog line breaks. i like the images you've chosen to depict the after. so much to choose from -> you've found good stuff.
 — Bloodfetish

Dear bloodfetish

I write my reply  listening at this very moment to Astral Weeks with my kids out in the back on fathers day(England) with my appreciations spread round me-The Byrds -Sweet Heart of the Rodeo, Van the Man's latest anguished offering,a perfect Parker pen to continue to scribe with-a fantastic meal and my daughter Sophie home for Fathers day. Your comments are much appreciated as is your contribution to the well being and good running of this site.

Larry
 — unknown

Larry

Are the breaks in continuity intentional and what dramatic purpose do they serve?

For example:

Our only means of sustinence, Joe's Burger Bar
and Grocery Store, which by a miracle
after the Big Bang was left hanging, then slid
off the rim and down, onto the floor,
to languish intact on this plain.

The floor of what?
What plain?
The big bang is evolutionary theory yet is used here to suggest one of the World Wars you have mentioned all 5 which gets confusing AND if your arms and legs had been blown off how would you get to the grocery store anyway?  You have two heads I am assuming that it is a real spare head ala Zaphod Beeblebox rather than schitzophrenia
"Which is imminent" makes no sense but I am guesssing that you mean which war, all though that is not clear. heh! picky picky!

If I had just let the poem waft I would have loved it!

Meep
 — unknown

I knew by L4 this was going into my favorites.

L16 space between the comma after 'legs' and the word 'blown'
L18 since elsewhere in the poem you've done consistent capitalization, i'm thinking this lower-cased 'i' is a small error
 — Rixes

dear unknown

do you really think i wrote this crap. No way, i was guided by a a higher being that spoke to me from a Bush.

Larry the final countdown Lark
 — unknown

Dear Rixes

if you anywhere near like my stuff then that will do for me

Larry
 — unknown

yea
 — unknown

Hello Larry

I just wondered why you ignored me.

Meep
 — unknown

Oh I see, I am the unknown, lol.

"i was guided by a a higher being that spoke to me from a Bush."

Ah! the sweet smell of psychosis!

Meep
 — unknown

Dear Meep

sorry i missed you .Thanks for the detailed crit which has some excellent pionts ,now fuck off(Only joking)

Larry fat bastard with a touch of Polaris Lark
 — larrylark

Dear Larry

Can I call you Dave?

Meep
 — unknown

Dear Meep

You can call me any damn thing you like

Larry ducks back Lark
 — unknown

Cheers Dave

Meep
 — unknown

Dear Meep

Don't mention it,only to glad to oblige and Dave Lark has a kinnda nice feel to it,
mmmm Larry Dave Lark, sounds like a cross dressing road sweeper who collect rare birds from other peoples aviory's

Dave in a flap Lark
 — larrylark

You have problems with spacing after your commas.
And you have problems with the capitalisation key on the keyboard.
And sometimes you forget to insert full stops.

BUT.

This is a funnily sad and disturbing piece of writing, and you know you're good.
The sirens in line nineteen make me think of bomb shelters,
I love the irony of the Big Bang in line five
and the second head;

damn straight it's a nuclear family.
Need I say it? Good work.
-wendz
 — unknown

Dear Wendz


How the hell am i expected to know whats good or not unless someone like you who knows what they're talking about gives an opinion?. Every time i post on here the words "wing" and "prayer" come to mind.  Thanks Wendz,your comments are much appreciated.

Larry down in the bomb shelter Lark


PS I'll try harder with the comma's
 — larrylark

Me thinks that you are kiss arsing lark, maybe you mother was a tomtit or even a greater lesser tit.
She certainly hatched a duck egg in you.
Your poetry is absolute crap, and your kissing arse does not improve it one iota.
 — unknown

thankyou for your detailed ornithological observations. I'd watch out for flying pigeons if I were you and watch out for the duck eggs - mind you don't trample on them when you're out walking,

larry beyond a yolk lark.
 — unknown

excellent wit and repartee!
 — unknown

i was quickly scrolling down your list to get to your latest poem but stumbled over the word nuclear and had to read ....
 — listen

awesome twist at the end, i think that's what it was. i usually don't like poems with food in it because one should sometimes read poetry for concept and food is a dabble in the wrong ingredient because you can get such a thing in a recipe book, and i'm sure you'll never get this unless you periodically check your old poems, but this is good. very funny, especially that ending and line thirteen, and others.
 — listen

from line five to line seven it is perfectly worded, seriously i mean that. i hate food references but for you it doesn't matter. i already commented but without reading my previous comment i'm commenting again, i really like five through seven, how funny the Big Bang thing is, however complicated worded the rest is. then you get to food again, but that's fine for now, you use it with meaning though i'm not so sure what this is yet. here we sit and hell ... and reads like in. nice. line seventeen is just brilliant. i'm flattering far too much but that line is nice. World War Five ... funny line of survival. search

for my arms and legs ... funny ... and of course, blown away(by it)

line seventeen, utmost seriousness ... mixed feelings of result, funny execution but serious topic. then i look at the title ... got it now, is it about the extremes of a dysfunctional family?

nice
 — listen

Dear Listen

Nope, Its about life on earth after 3 or 4 nuclear wars which would i guess make families more dysfunctional then they are now.
 — larrylark

A passionate choice of words and wit.
Meep
 — unknown

This is an enjoyable piece that I wish I had found sooner.  Ah, lovely poetry critical randomization process, you have granted me this lovely morsel of post-apocalyptic life just in time for me to have a thoughtful smile before I go to bed.

To the author: well done!  Everything looks, feels, and sounds very good where it is.  That said, there's something a bit difficult about lines 15-18...I seem to get lost between the character crawling out and being crouched beneath the bed--maybe this could be said a bit more clearly?
 — Mithrandir

Hi Mithrandir,

I thought those lines real smooth but then what do i know, for i only wrote it

Larry in his own writ Lark
 — larrylark

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