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The shadow on the wall isn't mine, but
our faces remain vaguely the same.
Upon my examination he glances and
looks away without returning his retina to mine.
He says he's a patron to my art, progenitor to my
incredibly multi-cellulared division that came about
in so much splendid chaos.
Warily, I pass my eye to his hand so he may hold my
star-struck gaze and keep a firm grip on my reality and subsequently
his own as well.
When all is said and done and
magick of old written and spoke,
he says I will exist.
So I scoop him out of the sky and eat him whole, for
existence is more mind than matter.

25 May 05

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I adore this one shel. xoxo
 — thirdeyris

 — ShelbyS

You gonna post more soon?
 — thirdeyris

The phrasing in l4 is a bit awkward. I think it's the word 'returning' that gets me. Don't have a suggestion as to what to replace it with, though.

Stanza 3, 'as well' seems a little unnecessary. I'd rephrase to 'firm grip on my reality / and, subsequently, his own'.

The final two lines. I'd get rid of the word 'for,' placing, instead, a semicolon after the word 'whole,' ('So I scoop him out of the sky and eat him whole; / existence is more mind than matter.' Or maybe 'So I scoop him out of the sky and eat him whole; / existence is, after all, more mind than matter.' )
 — stateofmind