poetry critical

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This Poem Should Be Rated Highly

This poem should be rated highly
It has lots of great and subtle imagery
It doesn't rhyme which proves I'm a rebel
Somewhere there's something about politics
And maybe someone who died for them
(Usually because of some oppressive ideology)
I think I'll throw in some animals because
Everybody loves animals
Also, because mentioning sex means that
You like to do it and have done it often
I'll put in some sexual words and allusions too
(Followed by my sorrow over not having it now)
And there's also this thing about nostalgia for a place
That makes people say "oh yeah, I've been there"
And identify with me or "I want to go there"
Which means I'm really cool and travel a lot
So I'll mention some cool places I've never been
Because nobody else has been there either
I suppose I'll do anything for a high rating
Because that would mean that other people can
See into my soul and recognize their own
And the shock of recognition will precipitate
A shower of 9s and 10s and brilliants and awesomes
And if I'm really lucky my growing legion of admirers
Will dedicate poems to me.
Yet deep down I'll probably know
That I'm a full of shit phony and I don't
Deserve to be in the top fifteen in the right column
Although most artists secretly suspect that
They're phonies after all and that all the praise
They receive is really some great big cosmic joke
But so what, rate this highly because it will
Mean I'm a great big full of shit artist just like them
And all of you and everyone else who puts
Heart to tongue to pen to paper (or keyboard)
And undergoes an elaborate ruse just so that
Someone somewhere might think "I love you."
Before typing up some incomprehensible verse
About their anguish over not being a flamingo.
Though it's been brought to my attention
That mercilessly mocking the masses
Is a trend long entrenched
I will take joy in the fact that some utter innocent
Will think I'm a genius because I rebelled
Against the rebels and gulp at my brash iconoclasm
Because they were going to do just the same thing
Only I did it first. As far as he knows.
For I am the outsider, the rebel, the incognoscenti
Like Stallone or Van Damme, who doesn't know much
But he knows what he likes.

18 May 05

Rated 7.6 (8.1) by 14 users.
Active (14): 5, 6, 6, 7, 7, 8, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (13): 1, 3, 5, 7, 8, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(11 more poems by this author)

(9 users consider this poem a favorite)

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The irony is that as you apathetically mock the website/typical topics, you forgot to mock the idea of apathetic mocking which is done rather frequently here.
 — unknown

it is? awesomely awesome! i'm actually quite happy to hear that. i'd like to see them collected together in a category. can anyone recommend some?
 — ollylama

maybe i should add a stanza where i mock myself for being so unoriginal in my mocking!
 — ollylama

Apt title.

Not really very poetic I guess, but great fun to read anyway so...I'll rate that.
reeks with cynicism.  

Love lines 38 and 39.
 — housepoppy

i think you suck
 — unknown

i gratefully acknowledge that you think i suck.
 — ollylama

less original than your usual work maybe,
but personally i like irony.
although really, it was the flamingo that swung it for me.

 — unknown

there have been a few very creative satires of this site and its members-- however, this piece really failed to engage me too much. i think you need to find a more direct way of keeping the reader with you through the whole poem while still getting the same sense of irony.

i guess what it all boils down to for me is that it feels like you tried to hard. sounds too much like a rant on a blog. rewrite?

 — unknown

what kind of a name is ollylama
 — unknown

an ollylama by any other name would smell just as stinky.
 — ollylama

Do you have long attractive eylashes and spit?
 — unknown

no, but i am the reincarnation of the previous ollylama. perhaps you've seen the movie they made about me: seven years in west covina. i am the leader in exile of an oppressed race of dudeists.
 — ollylama

o nagasaki

post modern ennui
 — unknown

 — unknown

 — unknown

I think that if you cut it by about 15 stanzas (leave 1), it would be more brilliant.  We can usually get the point (if we're going to) quite quickly.

But I love the attempt, I truly do.
 — Isabelle5

i luv it.
 — sabz3003

it's all about the flamingo.
 — aerol

i'm a sucker for irony.
 — Spunkee

ur a loser and yes im sure you suck peniseseses for a living or for free..That I'm a full of shit phony
 — bobbykeyes

This high should be rated Poemy.
 — unknown

another mobius attempt to be cool
 — unknown

nowdays the rebel rhymes!
 — unknown

Ha ha ha
Man u r Awesome
go The Revolution!
 — lodza

i used to rhyme all my poems but everyone told me it was passe. (tell that to the hip hop community!) as soon as i stopped rhyming them i got a little respect. funny. it's so much harder to write a rhyme.
 — ollylama

ollylama, rhyme is wodnerful if done properly. Generally, if the rhyme scheme is detected and crap, like 'day/say', 'night/light', it becomes extremely tired and no one wants to have to struggle through another forced rhyme.

My personal favourite rhymer is Dandy, most of his rhymes are subtle and you can hardly tell that it's there.

Hip hop without rhyme is like cereal without milk. ^_^

I wish your flamingo was back. I like flamingoes, and sometimes wake up thinking that I'm one.
 — unknown

i agree. both rhymes and flamingoes are wonderful if well done.
 — ollylama

go fuck yourself
 — unknown

i would but i don't find myself very attractive.
 — ollylama

olly - you're cool, and if you're in So Cal too we're going to be best friends. I can feel it.

-- ka
 — unknown

hey ka,
i'd love to be best friends with you. actually i'm from L.A. but I live in Thailand at the moment. I'll look you up when I go home to visit. Better yet, come visit me in Thailand!
 — ollylama

i think you are quite good :)
 — Odin

oh my i was laughing out loud. and realized i was laughing at myself too. thanks.
 — hank

laughed my ass off, and for that, a 10!
 — mamakittyx2

you know I started thinking "what an ass" but by the end I had respect for you you are completely honest not trying to start a movement not trying to offend but merely stating that you have to bring a change in your own writing that you are tired of doing the same thing just so people are willing to accept the words you write .I bow to younot out of reverence but a great respect for you oh yeah and I rated high
 — turtlepoet

Line 28 , like it . nice olly nice .
 — sir_I_clan

not a poem, but a very entertaining text.
 — unknown

haha that's some sweet shit.
 — darmrocks

haha this is funny... number 4
 — hearmyheart

** number 1 hahahaha
 — hearmyheart

fucking geniscide
 — tomasROCK

this is probably one of the best poems i have seen on this site yeah go you its hilarious and sarcastic brliance.
 — JFThompson

This is a tired and wearysome idea of someone lacking inspiration.Tedious
 — larrylark

Have to agree
 — unknown

i agree too. and i wrote it! in my defense, i was both tired and wearisome when i wrote it. a little more tired than wearisome. however, the tediousness was entirely fabricated.
 — ollylama

pink and feathery with
flecks of heavenly white.
the beaks of which i have none, clip
together in sin.
oh how i wish that
i could be a flamingo,
then i could dance in happiness,
for being mentioned in your poem.

i too love lines 38-39!
 — unknown

lol this is very evil but great fun to read!
 — unknown

the question is:

to laugh or to cry?

Che Guitara
 — unknown

And the question is:
Is this a game, I'd like to know?
Does she need me, as she pretends?

Che V.Chase
 — unknown

did i miss something?

wad i miss, deputy dawg?

chase vs. man hattan
 — unknown

line 39 concerns me, interesting.
 — Meep

Made me giggle it's so true. Well done rebelling against the rebels. Nicely written.
 — Thea

A 10 for the pure enjoyment of pathetic attempts at irony.
 — fallinforyou

I thoroughly enjoyed this one. Apart from everything else that makes it good, it's just downright funny!(",)
 — Nostalgia

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i like lines 29 to 30
why do you think stallone and van damme don't know much?
great ending, i think.
 — photobooth

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