poetry critical

online poetry workshop

today was a good day

landed on her lips
couldnt get the word
out of her mouth

5 May 05

Rated 9 (8) by 2 users.
Active (2):
Inactive (1): 6, 9, 9

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i'd love your poem more if it wasn't box shaped
 — bettalpha

instead of 'the word butterfly' i'd make it 'the butterfly' it sounds like it has more meaning, and would be so much more interesting. 6*
 — MywrdsRmyAiR

i see what bettalpha means (i want to separate pretty and add the meaning it's due)
but i suck at shape poetry ... i read it, enjoy it, but can't make a shape to save my butt
here it would work

in any case, this so very cool
 — Bloodfetish

quick wit. i like it.
 — listen

original version:

poem i watched

pretty startled
she couldnt get the word butterfly
out of her mouth
 — gnormal

 — unknown