| Big Easy (Wherever You End Up) |
blackbird
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"Let me out."
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My feet shuffle a moment
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on the beer-baked street,
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then find a rhythm;
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the beat of the city enhanced
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by juvenile tap-dancers
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carrying themselves more gracefully
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than 20-something college boys;
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8 |
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"Keep the beat goin', man."
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9 |
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Half-senile jazz singers
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10 |
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sitting in the street,
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11 |
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dancing with purple feather boas;
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and grizzled old bluegrass boys
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who've seen their share of boxcars.
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As if the river itself were flowing
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15 |
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through the city,
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crowds find their ways around.
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17 |
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I put pink sugared strawberry
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candy in my mouth
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like an ice cube on a summer day;
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bite down,
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taste Ponchatoula.
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I walk
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hips to shoulders,
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feet on pavement,
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eyes resting for a moment on a fiddler
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in a plaid cap, green eyes shining
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like a partly cloudy day.
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Everybody's talk-talk-talking;
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29 |
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I'm not making a sound.
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30 |
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Crazy patchouli-scented vendors
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selling cheap sunglasses and knockoff purses
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down in the French Market
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scream at small children weaving around
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in tiny hats and boots,
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sticking sticky fingers onto their daddys' hands.
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At evening;
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almost brighter than day;
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a riverboat sounds its horn down the Mississippi,
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turning the heads of lovers
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looking for the sound that'll
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drown out their lies.
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This city always seems to be sleeping
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and Southern royalty crawl all over
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the slumbering dreamer.
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20 Apr 05 |
Rated 9 (7.3) by 4 users.
Active (4): 6, 9, 9, 9
Inactive (18): 1, 1, 1, 5, 6, 7, 7, 7, 7, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(1 more poem by this author)
(1 user considers this poem a favorite)
CajunMoon
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Add A Comment:
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Comments:
this needs some of the language untangling.
ie: stanza 1 could start with line 3. or 2 could end with a full stop and the direct speech in 3 could be speech-marked. or something that sorts out whatever is not quite right with teh opening 3 lines.
4 drop 'on the' down a line maybe.
i would definitely use different language in some places.
stuff like half-senile, juvenile, daddy, hips to shoulders and pink sugared strawberry candy jelly, are either to telly or just too over the top.
there are some preposition issues, and line break issues. and some whole lines that add nothing and probably aren't required
the general vibe of the piece is good.
— kaleidazcope
Love the imagery
— Darkfollower
Thanks.
— unknown
Oi.
— unknown
Told ya I'd find out.
I always find out.
Ta-ta-ta-tooo.
I know where the monkey poos.
— Rixes
Excuse me?
— blackbird
Sure, sure.
I'll play along.
— Rixes
riverboat sounds down the river seems redundant (word river)
— unknown
i love it.
— CajunMoon
interesting, but otherwise good
— unknown
I really don't think the last line fits in with everythng else, perhaps adding a bit more lines before the ending, the structure has quite the flow
— Gabriella
wait, are you who I think you are"?
— Gabriella
You know what, you little De La Sallians need to stop sneaking in here. lol
Surrender your identities!
— Rhein
But anyway..you know whose work this reminds me of? claudia's. Stop stealing her style, you theif!
*laughs*
;)
— Rhein
Um, thanks, I was going for her style.
— blackbird
hmm.. interesting.. are you sure you're not her?
— Lilac
I've read her style, and it seems quite identical to yours, I suppose you could say she's a great poet, but your imagry in this piece, is quite vivid, colorful, dramatic, whatever you can say (8)
— Lilac
Really.
— unknown
I really like this.
I definitely feel at home.
— unknown
Thanks.
— blackbird
Like it a lot. Want to send it to relatives who live there. Beautifully done work!
— wamblicante
Feel free!
I live here as well.
— blackbird
LONELY MOOSE SINGING MY SONG....TEACHING PEPOLE RACISM WEARING SMALL THONGS.... EVERYBODY.....
LALALALALALALALALAA I GAVE YOU A 1
— unknown
Erm, thanks.
— unknown
Yeah, thanks.
— blackbird
should L1 be in quotes? nice job by the way.
— unknown
i love how you put imagination and the vibrant together.
— PatrickStarr
This has a great feel and opulant imagary.Like a lot
— larrylark
dappled thoughts, nice!
— Kauf
aaaaw.
— unknown
I love it, I just have one suggestion, line 24 could say "Feet to pavement" might make it flow a little better.
Other than that I love the imagery, I think it takes lot of talent to paint a picture like that, hile reading this I saw a busy city street. Great job.
— Unbelievable
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