poetry critical

online poetry workshop

I Don't Know

I wrote this some time ago...tell me what you think please!

I don't know why I'm so sad. But I am.
I don't know why I can't get my life back on track. But I can't.
I don't know why I do the things that I do. But I do.
I don't know why my life turned upside down. But it has.
I don't know why I've fallen. But I have.
I don't know where I'm going. But I am searching.
I don't know if I will ever see the light again. But I am hoping.
I don't know if you'll ever come back to me. But I am waiting.
I don't know if things will ever be the same again. But I am dreaming.
I don't know if I should go or stay. But I am here.
I don't know what I did. But I am hurting.
I just don't know.

15 Apr 05

Rated 7.5 (7.1) by 4 users.
Active (4): 1, 5, 10, 10
Inactive (11): 1, 2, 6, 7, 7, 7, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(33 more poems by this author)

(5 users consider this poem a favorite)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


i think it's not bad.

i can imagine it on a plaque hanging over the bar of a pub.
i think you've probably encapsulated how many people feel.
it's not strictly something i would want to read, keep and cherish
i look for something different in my poety. but it's good for what it is.
 — kaleidazcope

I love how you wrote this, thats the cutest way...how each sentence ends...I love it...I wish I could write something like that.....
 — Candy_Girl

hey hun its a pertty good poem hun not one of you best but it is good.
I think that people in life all over the world ask thouse very questions every day. i know i have.
 — sarah666

thank you for your comments
 — orange

any other comments?
 — orange

Sarah666 thats what i was going for, many ppl ask these questions to themselves everyday...I thought I'd write about it.
 — orange

One of my favorites of your poems.  I think I actually love this poem more than any of my favorites on the favorites list.  Amazing job.  Wonderful--I think it is fine the way it is.  (;
 — ducktape

This is a joke right?
 — unknown

I don't know
 — unknown

What makes it a joke?  There isn't a joke here.  It's a good poem. (:
 — ducktape

more of a rant than a poem...it has some good ideas but there's nothing very creative about it
 — unknown

i like this...awesome!!!
 — crazy

um...no.you were right and shoulda kept it away, hopefully your poetry has improved since then?
 — unknown

what are you talkin about?
 — orange

Well, for all it's interesting qualties, well summed by kal in first commentary.. what may I add of possible use to you?   The poem is fine in -its way-.  It's a disempowering poem and reinforces depressed, overwhelmed people who read it.  This is my "crit": just that it does not resolve but merely perpetuates itself, this "i don't know". Ah, but you do know how to reverse-thread all those lost, impotent wishings and make all those negs into positives.  Yes? you do, right?   You could make a magical poem-companion to this one whereby all the wimpy stuff is reversed step by step to make a ladder to the self-empowerment.. (just a notion).  I like the poem but I don't like the content, is really the gist of my ramble.  thanks!
 — netskyIam

I just gotta say...there is a reason for everything in life...I think you know the answers to all these...your just lying to yourself....
 — unknown

I really like this fucking poem...Im adding it to my favorites....It has a great deal of meaning to me....I can really relate with this poem alot....I really like how its just plain and simple and gets straight to the point of the question.....I'm rating this a fucking 10...I dont care what anyone else has to say this poem is really fucking good and means alot to me.....Great Job.....
 — GoThIcSlUt69

A little to repetitive, keep working on it and it will become a fine piece one day
 — unknown

Yeah it's too repetitive. Unless your point was exactly meant to be that. But that's not a good point to base a poem on I dont think. Good ideas though.
 — unknown

The format you have it in now makes the poem sucky. Show, not tell. I know that's easy to say, but very hard to do; but that's what makes a decent writer. Every writer at some point asks themselves these questions; poetry allows us to express it in terms which we hope people can understand.

I can realte to this, sure. But that doesn't make a poem. Call this what you will, but it's not there yet. get rid of the repetition. In this case, it kills instead of helps the poem.

Try to show the questions you have, instead of simple stating them. Eg:

"I don't know why I'm so sad. But I am."

could read

"my yellow umbrella is faded
and i don't know why that makes me think of sadness,
summer's here but somehow,
my umbrella should be bright"

Something like that, images which mean something to you. Obviously umbrellas might not mean a thing to anyone else but me, but that's what would help you with writing; express simple statements like "I'm sad" through the use of imagery or descriptions or anything that conveys that sadness.
 — unknown

well done...
 — unknown

i dont know why you wrote this poem
 — modioperandi

this totally speaks to me right now... and i thanks you..
poetically it could stand to be a little stronger.. maybe the formatting could be changed?
i love lines 7-11
a nice read in general
- gears
 — unknown

I dunno,   this doesn't do much for me.

I think I would like it better if you structured it differently. It doesn't seem very necessary for the repitition at the start of EVERY line. Maybe try and connect some of those I don't knows.

Dated 15 april 05, so you probably won't be changing it,   but thats my two cents.
 — SeanConnery

i'm sorry, i REALLY do not see what everyone else apparently does in this.  in my opinion this is just bad.  i mean really, is this a joke?  why the hell is everyone favoriting this and praising it left and right?  sorry...i'm just ranting...you lost me on this one...
 — unknown

oh oh...this is absolutely shit. Sorry. I'm giving you a 5, because its the lowest I would give anything. Without doubt this is the worst "poem" I have read in a long time.

too many "don't knows" and completely unoriginal and uninspiring
 — jeremybeadle

Thirty-day Best (collapse)
Top Rated
Recently Commented