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stand up and take a bow

There is a house in my dreams:
inside of the door and sat at a worn
oak table is an old woman with a
white skeletal face, sunken by time.
Inside of her eyes lies a million
forgotten voices, escape seeming
a bit unforeseeable at this point.
Here in this house I sit: and
my heart is exploding.
My fate is silent, entrenched.
As the mist clears and I cease my
wonder, I see an elderly man similar
to my fathers stature and appearance
clutching his shoulder in agony.
He's leaving this place at a furious
rate, soul inside a comet burning its
last bit of fuel before a black hole
swallows it whole.
(At least he looks happy.)

7 Apr 05

Rated 6 (3.5) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (1): 1, 6

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Hi Shelby  - I'll come back to this later but do you want 'sits' in l3 (either/or sat or sits)? I like the 2nd strophe. More later - have to go to work.

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more comments would be appreciated.
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I missed this one completely, AI. I'd thought that you'd given up writing--glad you haven't. I'll leave an in depth crit where there are grammatical incorrections later, when I'm not feeling so guilty about being lazy.

Just for now though, I really like this one. I'm glad you're writing again, I've missed you much. Lines eight and nine I like a lot, and lines fifteen to eighteen are just something short of amazement.
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tis sucks ass.
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