poetry critical

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Growing Tired
ducktape

I am growing tired
 1
Of all the tears I shed.
 2
I need to feel happy
 3
Before I go to bed.
 4
 
 
I want to know I’m beautiful
 5
Without changing my mind.
 6
I need to start smiling
 7
On the inside.
 8
 
 
People say I look okay
 9
That I look wonderful
 10
But deep inside I know they lied.
 11
I can see it in their eyes.
 12
 
 
I am growing tired
 13
Of always feeling the same.
 14
I do not want to stay this way
 15
No one ever came.
 16

3-29-05

31 Mar 05

Rated 9 (8) by 2 users.
Active (2): 6, 8, 8, 9, 10
Inactive (6): 5, 8, 9

(define the words in this poem)
(67 more poems by this author)

(3 users consider this poem a favorite)
Bronte
Shainah
xtormentedx



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Comments:

I'm up for any comments for the good of my poem.  Thanks. (;
 — ducktape

The ryhme scheme seemed to change in the third stanza. But other than that I really enjoyed this poem (8) good job!
 — orange

I dont really know what you mean in the last line, and i agree that in the 3rd verse the rhythm does change, mainly due to L11 i'd say. Just shorten it abit. I've added this to my fav list. Its a good read, 8
 — Bronte

Thanks so much. (;
 — ducktape

This is very emo for you Ducktape. I thought you were above this. I guess no one is immune.
 — Lia

emo.....what do you mean by "emo", Lia?

mrow?  emo.....emo.....what kind of a stereotype is "emo"?  it is such a strange thing, you know.  it sounds weird.  it looks weird.  it's just weird.  why is it called emo?  makes me think of Elmo or something.  hmmm..

i like to write about how i feel, and whatever type of poem comes out, well that's just what comes out.  whoops, i guess i wrote an "emo" poem.  silly me, i didn't notice.  i just wrote how i felt at that time, and i did not pay attention to its classification.  that doesn't matter to me--i am not above anything of any sort.  i like to read and write poetry--all kinds i suppose.  no one is immune to a type of poem.  i guess anyone can write an "emo" poem.  right?

anywho, maybe it is very "emo" for me.  oh well.  anyhow, thanks for your comment.
 — ducktape

Lol, chill. Emo is short for emotional. Like suicide poems and whatnot. Like teenagers being all depressed and wanting to publicise it, thinking they are cool.

Which for all I know describes you exactly. And it sorta describes me. It's not generally a bad thing, I'm just not too kenn for it, I write my own poems like this, I don't need to read about other peoples problems. Which is just my opinion, one in millions.

It was a stupid comment, as is this one. Just ignore me :)
 — Lia

ah, and now the "emo" confusion has ended for ducktape.  (;  thanks. &n bsp;no i am sorry.  i feel all defensive and upset.  i've been feeling like that lately.  oh well.  don't listen to me either.  well yes listen to me, but don't take it as a threat or anything.  (;  (;

when do you ever sign in to msn, Lia?
 — ducktape

I can definitely relate. I used to be fairly average looking, even "cute." But then I became disabled and gained weight and got old and tired and fat and crippled. Now i feel like a freak, and am treated like one, too.
 — unknown

oh!  you're not a freak, and i'm NOT lying!  i know you're not.  you're a sweet person and that's what matters.  

(problem is, i cannot even follow my own advice.)
 — ducktape

Cool, Ducktape, but really, if you see a freak, do you laugh>?
 — unknown

what do you mean by "freak"?
 — ducktape

Someone who wouldn't star on a tv show.
 — unknown

that's millions of billions of ppl.  i laugh at everyone, yes, but not to put them down.  but because i love them.  i don't consider millions of billions of ppl to be freaks though, so could you try another expression maybe?
 — ducktape

yes? no?


i don't understand still. so...
 — ducktape

freaks. obese people. midgets. hunchbacks. retarded people. michael jackson. freaks.
 — unknown

oh. okay.  well the answer is NO.  i do not laugh at them.  truly.
 — ducktape

oh ducky, everyone is beautiful . just remember that.
 — Gabriella

i would never laugh or piont or stare or anything at someone who is, as you describe them, a "freak".  i think people who do are assholes and i personally can't stand them (the ppl who do it).  i HATE how so many people associate "different" with "lower than me" or a "freak"
but the part about michael jackson was hilarious :) ...oh m. j...............
 — woman_power

yeah yeah yeah...blah blah. you're a hypocrite.  you've just hypocrited yourself. right then and there. S;
 — ducktape

I am on MSN a lot. Just not when you are. Maybe the different timezones play buggers with us. That is, if you're not in good old Aussie. I'm on a school computer at the moment, so I can't go on MSN now.

Did you know that I have read and commented so many of your poems and I don't think you have written on any of mine, except one just then that was under unknown (Fake Smiles). How strange. At least you liked it.
 — Lia

i commented on some of yours.
 — ducktape

not many, but yes i have.
 — ducktape

every time i look up your name it is listed as "too general a search" I think there are too many Lia's on this site?  i dunno.  but i have to remember that all i need to do is click on your name.  argg.  sorry
commentin g will be coming for more of yours soon.  (; promise.
 — ducktape

i live in the US so yeah.  bad timing.
 — ducktape

Hey, yeah. Whoops. My bad. It was only one other, but I dunno how I missed it.
 — Lia

I might email you then. Laters, I'm going to lunch.
 — Lia

wow. it's like 11pm now.  and you're eating lunch. lol funny.
okay.  thanks for everything!  (;
 — ducktape

nice ducky, u know how ;)
 — Odin

Damn it...you need to just accept their compliments and live with the fact that you are sexy...its ok!  My girlfriend does the same thing....she insists on the fact that she is not beautiful...she wont even say she is cute!!  ACCEPT THE COMPLIMENT!!!  Oh, and a good poem, lol.
 — SaleenDriva

this poem describes me and i hate that but i love the poem
 — Shainah

thanks, Shainah!  you know, that's one of the things i really love about poetry.  same with songs.  (;  take care, and keep on writing!  (;

~ducktape
 — ducktape

wow1 i really like it and it really realtes to me
i love it!
 — linush

Absolutely beautiful :)
 — xtormentedx

L9 comma
L10 full stop
L15 full stop

try losing the capitals where there they are in the middle of a sentence, as well as the start of a new line.

not my favourite poem, but you have a nice rhyme, and so many people (unfortunately) can relate, so that's good, i guess.
 — inutile

thanks for your comment!  (;
 — ducktape

I like ur poem! itz realli good and i agree
 — unknown

thank you!
 — ducktape

Fuck emo, and emo kids...and everything thats emo
 — unknown

i really like this poem!
it makes me happy ppl write about themselves but ends up about everyone
this is great!!!
 — unknown

i really like this poem alot
its like soooo  true and its awsome
and you're also writing for everyone and thts also
one of the things i like in this!!!
keep it up kk???
 — unknown

okk
 — ducktape

pretty good
 — unknown

Thats brill!
 — unknown

well thank you.
 — ducktape

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