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Death of a Sociopath
SweetPain

Its simply sickening loving life.
 1
When you take every joy out of it.
 2
You steal the spotlight
 3
and leave me in the shadows.
 4
 
 
Where my talents shine
 5
you are the storm, the downpour
 6
that drenches my life in jealousy.
 7
 
 
 
 
You live for society's ideals
 8
like Jessica Simpson.
 9
You speak, act and are what all of us would like to be
 10
But your perfection is pure insanity.
 11
Acting like there is nothing wrong
 12
never accomplishes anything
 13
but deep resentment.
 14
 
 
No longer am I jealous
 15
For now you lay stone cold
 16
Under, about 6 feet.
 17
 
 
As the blood trickles slowly down your wrists tied in chicken wire.
 18
Down your cat scratched back and mutiliated thighs
 19
I watch with sick content.
 20

12 Mar 05

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Comments:

I feel you have to many (.)'s.  I think you can take the (.) out on line 2, maybe line 6 needs an (;).  This is just me though.  I do like lines 11-13 great ending.  Overall good poem.
 — JT

I know a few Sociopaths who should die as well.  Might be good if you explained in slightly more detail why Sociopaths are (deserving?) of death.
 — Bitterman

I added in the 3rd stanza to show why being a sociopath is wrong, thank you bitterman and all your bitterness.
 — SweetPain

nice title. nice last stanza.

the rest doesn't quite live up, but it's not bad at all. i'm feeling tired and lazy right now. i'll probably give a better comment later on.
 — mould_jesus

Don't you find it funny that the most relatible thing in poetry is death. -SweetPain-
 — unknown

I do like this Mucho!! Great Ending!
 — Delicatelie

Thank you very much for that Delicatelie
 — unknown

thank you to everyone who had commented on this poem.
 — SweetPain

Is there anything i could add or change to make this poem better?
?
 — SweetPain

kill johnny.
 — unknown

I will be right on that :D.
 — SweetPain

Barbie is played out
 — unknown

thank you unknown.
 — SweetPain

Do you have any thing that you could suggest to substitute for barbie?
 — SweetPain

aren't they called bratz now. and instead of having unfeasibly slender waists and no foofoo to speak of, they now have unfeasibly large heads and no foofoo to speak of?

to replace barbie i say look to glossies. ie magazine icons of absurd perfection. role model types.

this isn't a bad poem actually for it's type. nice job.

kaleidazcope
 — unknown

The Janis Ian doll?  (former 80's super model)
This is great...
reminds me of my poem "Repeat Offender".
check it out sometime when you have a moment.
 — aforbing

i like it, but believe it could be tightened up over all ... removing excess words would give it more of a *speaking-through-her-teeth* feel ... for example

lines 5-7 ... 5 starts out nice and short, but 6 and 7 drag a bit ... the repitition of "downpour" makes this sound more like a rant than a rage.  ... how about something such as: "you are the storm, the downpour/that drenches my life in jealousy"

(line 12 .. there instead of their)

you've lowercased "i" in line 14 ... that makes it feel as if the speaker still feels under the thumb of the tormentor ... nice touch ...

14-19 are powerful ... good disposal of the body ... though i lean more toward devouring those who attempt to torment me ...

good work
 — Bloodfetish

thank you for all your help and support aforbing, bloodfetish and kaleidazcope. I really appreciate the constructive critiscim.
 — SweetPain

that poem was horrible!!!!!
 — unknown

ouch.. maybe it was for you, but thanks for commenting at least.
 — SweetPain

It's okay.
 — unknown

a good poem

-S
 — unknown

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