For my grown up left home daughter
Do you remember that day
when stars tumbled
onto a glittering stone strewn path
beneath our feet
and we charted the route to Orion
through your first tentative steps
that took us laughing,
all the way home.
8 Mar 05
Rated 9 (7.6) by 13 users.
Active (13): 6, 7, 8, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (35): 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 3, 4, 5, 5, 5, 6, 7, 7, 7, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
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the whole (!) short circuited me or something. i think i just died.
i think my pulse is back to normal now.
that header. splutter.
should contain less dad for daughter stuff
for a minute there i thought it was from my dad to me
and i wasnt prepared
so umm now im suffering from post traumatic syndrome, and couldn't begin to remember what the poem was about, to be able to tell you whether it was good or not.
and when i remember my password im scorin 10 anyway
what a rush.
if im lucky i wont remember it tommorow, and be able to experience it all over again.
It is a real rush to see a father write with such heart and feeling about his grown daughter. it is a beautiful path - up the ladder to the stars.
Dear Ist. Unknown
This is one of the nicest replies i've ever had-Larry loves you
Larry Feel it Lark
loverly. thank you, larry.
see how nice i can be when i'm not thinking about it. love you back larry. be my dad.
ps: unfortunately i wasn't shocked speechless 2nd time round, it seems my memory is more robust than i believed.
i could read the poem today however and i like it
'i could read the poem today however and i like it'...and this is a level of critique...lol
I like your poem too
it's not a level of critique.
I think i've done my share of dadding bringing up two girls and in the process of bringing up two boys which sometimes makes you feel a little bit crazy.I will however be your spiritual long distance dad if you like.
Larry Hands across the airwaves Lark
I like it.
I appreciate your appreciation
Creative and thoughtful, I approve.
I appreciate your liking of this poem which i have been trying to write and get right for the 19 years since what is described in this poem took place. Hope you can get an angle on my barely coherent ramblings
Don't be bitter,lifes too short.Thanks for the comment ,its much appreciated
Larry mild or should that read wild Lark
Dear Meth Angel
AAAwwww. how freakin cute is that?
Not as cute as my frikin' daughter
Larry love makes the world go round Lark
Simple, pretty and sweet! Says a lot in a few words. Not overdone or soppy. Does what it intends to do and does it well! They grow up all too quickly don't they!
do you remember that day
when your stomach rumbled
on a piss stained path
beneath our feet
and we farted onions
and tentatively belched
that made us run away from each other
all the way home
oh.... I'm speechless. That's really sweet, oh how I wish I had a father like you.
Oh no you don't
It makes me think of little girls with bows in their hair, ice cream smiles and music boxes. And it makes me think of my dad, and being six with ice cream smiles and music boxes, and shopping expeditions and swings around his shoulders.
If you could see her now all grown up living the good life with her friends in Manchester.
Larry time blown Lark
I would give you a 10, but I think some punctuation/presentation could use some work. Maybe a few line breaks. When you read this poem, how does it read to you? Do you pause anywhere? Speak softer in any lines? Try and get that across in the spacing/line breaks.
thanks for the advice . I will look at the punctuation carefully in the light of your comments. This is a bit of a coincidence cus yesterdsy i went down to check out a new shop in the vicinity called Pause and bought a kilo of apostrophe's 100 gramms of semi colons andthirty full stops (Buy one get one free).
cornered the sentiment market
Nothing wrong with sentimentality,that is unless of course you are bitter and twisted.
very good enough, this is.
oh quite well done and tres cute!
if its good enough for you then its good enough
Orion is making his rounds tonight, obviously...
I read something recently that I thought you'd enjoy.
"Our goal is to produce kids who can emotionally leave home, kids who can come to love somebody else more than they love their parents." That's a wise and mature statement.
Real simple...but touching. I didnt really like it at first (just cause I didnt, I dont know why), but now that I have come back and re-read it, I like it. Quality stuff.
You have just put into words my philosophy regarding bringing up children plus she's coming home tomorrow for Father's Day with another of her totally unexpected whacko gifts.
sentimentality always wins on this site. its cute but not worthy of being top rated. now i know why air supply were loved.
do u remember that day
when my fingers fumbled
into your glittering panties
i pulled beneath your feet
and we charted the route
to your first
that took us quarreling
all the way home
Dear unknown 2, your reply made me laugh aloud, what a hoot - it's so vivid so real, so sexy, go on - bang it on the board.
dont encourage me larry
unknown 1 and 2
you have penis'
Go on put it on ,you know it makes sense.I implore you. Why i guess i might give it a 7 it the coffe brews up good and there's a cool breeze blowing in from Wigan.
Larry loves everybody Lark
now this s poem, a gret poem
nice poem. a favorite.
do u remember that day
when my stomach rumbled
and the contents were strewn
beneath our feet
and we farted all the way to Ohio
despite loosening our belts
that took us suffocating
all the way home
this is so sweet! beautiful images...
thanks for reminding me why i come back here every day.
Yearning. The yearning is felt in this poem. For a short, it is remarkably complete, but would like to know more about why you're remembering.
As previously explained, I've been trying to write this poem for 20 years and we all have many poems like that. I remember that bleak February day like it was yesterday,when I took my daughter out walking for the first time in the park. As any parent knows, this feels like a miracle and Sophie walked about 20 metres in half an hour, in between scrutinising the late winter sunkissed pebbles and stones that formed the gravel of the path. It was a moment of profound feeling and affects me to this day. It's like seeing the world from a different position for the first time,
you're begging the question without a question mark!
Do you remember that day when stars tumbled onto a glittering stone strewn path beneath our feet and we charted the route to Orion through your first tentative steps
that took us laughing, all the way home.
You may find this a strange question why would you chart a route to Orion.
very nice poem.....i like it alot....
Had to read this over several days to get the sense of the daughter and the personal moment. Nice
We parents have those treasures, don't we?
I don't understand this particular piece. Most babies don't remember their first step. Personally, I began retaining experience at age 4. A friend of mine recalls to this day his first words, and claims to have memory from 2 months of age. But that phenomenon is uncommon in the dire sense of the meaning. I 'spose I can understand the reminiscent parental aspect of this...and I'm no parent, I'm a
Gemini, so I too have unique talents.
You're from Manchester, NH? I just recently moved in with my girlfriend here. Nice place. Vermont is ethereallly stunning, however. Love the clouds hanging over the mountains half a football field above your car, hugging and caressing every peak and the lonesome space in the valleys. It's growing on me.
words simply put that can only be spoken by a mother
oops, didnt realze it was from a dad, well, you must be really close to your daughter and love her very much to come across as a mom! :)
It is the first time he took his daughter to walk in the park
i should know i was there
made me smile larry the dad lark ... thanks!
a piece of beauty.
who is this poem about?
i think that its sweet!
Hi big freak
Its about my daughter .If you look back through my replies there is an explanation
:)......I am ver happy when I read this poem.
If your happy then i'm happy
Larry happy Lark
written well. you write well. nice poem.
"Sophie" is the prettiest of pretty names.
Thanks for the complement.
well done mate.like it
it bugs me that this poem is a question..."do you remember?" yet ends in a period. also, it just leaves me wanting more.
I like this alot <33
Wow! I remember loads from when I was a baby! Really cute poem!
I would have to disagree with you, unknown. The imagery is good.
very nice. nothing groundbreaking (at least for me) but nicely done.
I'm sorry I just don't feel the love....
it brings tears to my eyes.
favorite and I'll have to show this to my dad.
Don't worry for what is love but merely illusion
have to say, one of the best i've read. not just on the site.
glad to see it back up again.
Such simplicity, such an achievement, in print, in life.
Flattery will get you everywhere.
Larry suseptible Lark
The comma at the end of 7 is not necessary.
I suspect that you have intentionally not used a question mark, and, as it’s a rhetorical question, I don’t think that one is necessary, but I think a question mark would be an exclamation mark on the poignancy of this poem.