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True Love
orange

I really don't like the title I chose for this one...if you can come up with something better plz inform me.

Many times I try, to show you how I feel
 1
But its like you always say,
 2
"Those feelings can't be real"
 3
Of course their real, why can't they be.
 4
Are you afraid to meet someone who cares for you like me.
 5
Well if you are it better change
 6
For you will find your true love, in a short time range.
 7
Now if you don't understand, and think this is a joke
 8
I hope you understand, if not, remember it was my feelings you provoked.
 9

28 Feb 05

Rated 6 (7.3) by 3 users.
Active (3): 2, 6, 10
Inactive (5): 4, 7, 8, 9, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(34 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

The rythym is a lil weird but I like the poem overall.
 — unknown

cool
 — unknown

Any more feedback? Anybody!!!
 — orange

I like this alot at the beggining, but then as it got towards the end I lost intrest, because the ryming sounds too forced. Maybe you can find a differant word for prevoked.. And maybe a new tittle.
 — SweetxMemory

Do you have any suggestions for a new title?
 — orange

To Blathe?
 — unknown

Are you kidding?
 — orange

i adore
 — rockinflicka

here are some tittle ideas

1) What are you afraid of?
2) Why cant you see?

this is the best I can do.. I hope you like them..

by the way how old are you?? I want to know, because I think I have an idea of how old you are by your poem, but i just want to make sure.
 — SweetxMemory

thank yo for the title suggestions. They really helped. As for my age I'm 16.
 — orange

I took your advise for my title thank you.
 — orange

your welcome!!
 — unknown

Those sure are some good tittles.
 — unknown

Hey orangie.....love the poem....truly think its amazing.....where did you get your inspiration.....?
 — Candy_Girl

Along time ago, a girl that I was seeing didn't really believe I cared for her. I would tell her how much I cared, but I thought she never really understood. So I wrote this. I only ever wanted her to know how much I did care for her and always will. By the way peoples, I'm with her now and I've never been happier.
 — orange

could I get some more comments on this please.
 — orange

God I wish I could get in on this circle jerk.
 — InMyBlood

What circle are you talking about?
 — unknown

line 4- "they're" not "their"

line 7-- rhyme well, but is extremely forced in order to rhyme.
same thing with lines 8 and 9.

i give this maybe a 4 or 5.

and i do like the title as "what are you afraid of"
 — unknown

I think the title seems a little harsh....just being honest
 — Candy_Girl

Yeah I'd have to agree with you candy_girl. But its alot better title than my last.
 — orange

lines 8 +9= brilliance.
 — eleveneleven

Wait... are you telling me the author of this poem is a male??!!
 — SweetxMemory

Yes I'am a male.
 — orange

wow.. I'm so shocked to know the author of this poem is a male..
 — unknown

christ orange! i understand when ur unhappy and that you want to write about it but for fuck sakes man this poem is terrible. a doesn't always need to rhyme to be good, remember that, anyways dude, we all had our hearts broken, im a grown man and i just lost my fiance. terrilble feeling! just being honest man, u know who this is...
 — unknown

if you want to read a good poem about getting your heart broken you should go read a poem called "Along came regret" can't remember who the author is though, but it's on this site.
 — unknown

NO I don't think I know who this is sorry.
 — unknown

Hey Orangie, you changed the title....I like it so much better now....good job
 — Candy_Girl

I was told by someone special that they didn't like the title, so I changed it back. I thought it was the least I could do for her.
 — orange

awww Orangie, thats sweet...she must be a lucky girl....(smile)
 — Candy_Girl

Good poem, but the tittle is too childish.
 — unknown

The rhyming is a little off, but I think you should understand what true love is:  Sacrifice.  I believe that you can (in some cases) "measure" how much you love something/one by how much you are willing to sacrifice for it.  Women, it seems, are immune to understanding this.
 — Bitterman

First of all, in line 4 'their' should be 'they're.'  The line should end with a question mark considering it's a question.  The same with line 6.  Line 7 sounds completely contrived; it's way too forced.  Try rewriting this without any kind of rhyme scheme because it will turn out to be a lot better.  But on top of that, you need to write this with a lot of details.  You need to put imagery out the ass on this poem.  I know you might not be a fan of creating a scene, but a scene would be great for this poem because otherwise it's the same thing that every other teenager going through angst is writing.
 — TaylorC

I used to be afraid of someone falling in love with me.  I didn't want to feel so important to someone.  I dunno...I was nervous when a guy would ask me if I wanted to make out and whatnot.  Anyway, nice poem.  Nice of you to write the poem for her.  (;
 — ducktape

any other comments?
 — orange

I love this poem!!
 — Candy_Girl

True love can be like a desert flower. Surviving under the toughest conditions.
            ;          &nbs p;          &nb sp;          &n bsp;          & nbsp;                       ;         Lamar Cole
 — unknown

I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!
 — unknown

I really like the poem a lot! I really don't understand why so many people can't just try.
 — unknown

my writing teacher told our class that our title shouldnt just be a word in the poem but that it should make people guess and have meaning. it should be able to catch one's eye and keep it there.

line 7 would sound better if "range" was taken off the end

check out your line break usage. divide them up more.

i do like this poem. keep it up
 — jesussgurl

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