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True Love

I really don't like the title I chose for this one...if you can come up with something better plz inform me.

Many times I try, to show you how I feel
But its like you always say,
"Those feelings can't be real"
Of course their real, why can't they be.
Are you afraid to meet someone who cares for you like me.
Well if you are it better change
For you will find your true love, in a short time range.
Now if you don't understand, and think this is a joke
I hope you understand, if not, remember it was my feelings you provoked.

28 Feb 05

Rated 6 (7.3) by 3 users.
Active (3): 2, 6, 10
Inactive (5): 4, 7, 8, 9, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(34 more poems by this author)

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The rythym is a lil weird but I like the poem overall.
 — unknown

 — unknown

Any more feedback? Anybody!!!
 — orange

I like this alot at the beggining, but then as it got towards the end I lost intrest, because the ryming sounds too forced. Maybe you can find a differant word for prevoked.. And maybe a new tittle.
 — SweetxMemory

Do you have any suggestions for a new title?
 — orange

To Blathe?
 — unknown

Are you kidding?
 — orange

i adore
 — rockinflicka

here are some tittle ideas

1) What are you afraid of?
2) Why cant you see?

this is the best I can do.. I hope you like them..

by the way how old are you?? I want to know, because I think I have an idea of how old you are by your poem, but i just want to make sure.
 — SweetxMemory

thank yo for the title suggestions. They really helped. As for my age I'm 16.
 — orange

I took your advise for my title thank you.
 — orange

your welcome!!
 — unknown

Those sure are some good tittles.
 — unknown

Hey orangie.....love the poem....truly think its amazing.....where did you get your inspiration.....?
 — Candy_Girl

Along time ago, a girl that I was seeing didn't really believe I cared for her. I would tell her how much I cared, but I thought she never really understood. So I wrote this. I only ever wanted her to know how much I did care for her and always will. By the way peoples, I'm with her now and I've never been happier.
 — orange

could I get some more comments on this please.
 — orange

God I wish I could get in on this circle jerk.
 — InMyBlood

What circle are you talking about?
 — unknown

line 4- "they're" not "their"

line 7-- rhyme well, but is extremely forced in order to rhyme.
same thing with lines 8 and 9.

i give this maybe a 4 or 5.

and i do like the title as "what are you afraid of"
 — unknown

I think the title seems a little harsh....just being honest
 — Candy_Girl

Yeah I'd have to agree with you candy_girl. But its alot better title than my last.
 — orange

lines 8 +9= brilliance.
 — eleveneleven

Wait... are you telling me the author of this poem is a male??!!
 — SweetxMemory

Yes I'am a male.
 — orange

wow.. I'm so shocked to know the author of this poem is a male..
 — unknown

christ orange! i understand when ur unhappy and that you want to write about it but for fuck sakes man this poem is terrible. a doesn't always need to rhyme to be good, remember that, anyways dude, we all had our hearts broken, im a grown man and i just lost my fiance. terrilble feeling! just being honest man, u know who this is...
 — unknown

if you want to read a good poem about getting your heart broken you should go read a poem called "Along came regret" can't remember who the author is though, but it's on this site.
 — unknown

NO I don't think I know who this is sorry.
 — unknown

Hey Orangie, you changed the title....I like it so much better now....good job
 — Candy_Girl

I was told by someone special that they didn't like the title, so I changed it back. I thought it was the least I could do for her.
 — orange

awww Orangie, thats sweet...she must be a lucky girl....(smile)
 — Candy_Girl

Good poem, but the tittle is too childish.
 — unknown

The rhyming is a little off, but I think you should understand what true love is:  Sacrifice.  I believe that you can (in some cases) "measure" how much you love something/one by how much you are willing to sacrifice for it.  Women, it seems, are immune to understanding this.
 — Bitterman

First of all, in line 4 'their' should be 'they're.'  The line should end with a question mark considering it's a question.  The same with line 6.  Line 7 sounds completely contrived; it's way too forced.  Try rewriting this without any kind of rhyme scheme because it will turn out to be a lot better.  But on top of that, you need to write this with a lot of details.  You need to put imagery out the ass on this poem.  I know you might not be a fan of creating a scene, but a scene would be great for this poem because otherwise it's the same thing that every other teenager going through angst is writing.
 — TaylorC

I used to be afraid of someone falling in love with me.  I didn't want to feel so important to someone.  I dunno...I was nervous when a guy would ask me if I wanted to make out and whatnot.  Anyway, nice poem.  Nice of you to write the poem for her.  (;
 — ducktape

any other comments?
 — orange

I love this poem!!
 — Candy_Girl

True love can be like a desert flower. Surviving under the toughest conditions.
            ;          &nbs p;          &nb sp;          &n bsp;          & nbsp;                       ;         Lamar Cole
 — unknown

I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!
 — unknown

I really like the poem a lot! I really don't understand why so many people can't just try.
 — unknown

my writing teacher told our class that our title shouldnt just be a word in the poem but that it should make people guess and have meaning. it should be able to catch one's eye and keep it there.

line 7 would sound better if "range" was taken off the end

check out your line break usage. divide them up more.

i do like this poem. keep it up
 — jesussgurl

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