poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Don’t squeeze me into your mold (a villanelle)
aforbing

I’m not yet old
 1
although I’m turning grey,
 2
I act quite young, I’m told.
 3
 
 
I do not a chore,
 4
but I love to play…
 5
doing work is such a bore.
 6
 
 
I’m not yet old,
 7
but I’ve learned to adore
 8
friendship more than the rarest gold.
 9
 
 
I still buy from the ice cream man.
 10
My laundry, I never fold.
 11
I’m Gerry Garcia's # 1 fan.
 12
 
 
My soul, I’m proud, I have not sold.
 13
Everything I own fits in my van—
 14
yet, with the times, I’ve rolled.
 15
 
 
I suppose that I could be cajoled,
 16
but chances are slim on that.
 17
I’m not yet old.
 18
I act quite young, I’m told.
 19
 
 
>>>Alternate title:  “burned-out hippie”
 20

A Villanelle is a nineteen-line poem consisting of a very specific rhyming scheme:
aba aba aba aba aba abaa.

20 Jan 05

Rated 7 (6) by 1 users.
Active (1): 7
Inactive (1): 5

(define the words in this poem)
(130 more poems by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

I will get back to this when I have more time,
But let me just say that the title alone is hilariously ironic.
It says "Don't squeeze me into your mold" and then the poem itself is a Villanelle- one of the most restricted, clearly structured forms I know of, other than maybe a Sestina, etc.

That being said, I don't think the actual content of the poem works as well as the title, but I'll get back to you on that.
 — Inuki

Should line 4 say chore instead of chare?  

I like this but it seems you force a lot of it;  Debbie Gibson's #1 fan and you never fold your laundry.  Why the - after my laundry?  And why - after van?

But I give you credit for doing this kind of poetic form!  I've never tried and I imagine it isn't as easy as it appears.
 — Isabelle5

I agree... I've made changes.
INUKI:  Perhaps I should go back to my alternate title???
 — aforbing

this breaks several of the rules of villanelles.

whether that's intentional or not is to be determined, but classical villanelles are difficult to write because they're written in iambic pentameter, and you reuse the first and third lines of the first strophe as alternate final lines of the following strophes.

see:  do not go gently into that good night.

its funny, but calling it a villanelle is on par with what most people post as 'haiku'
 — unknown

wouldn't aba aba aba aba
mean something more like

grey
more
hay

tray
bore
say

that sort of thing?  That's what I got out of my poetry classes...

-Slip
 — unknown

nice form. i like this a lot. not forced.
 — listen

0.397s