poetry critical

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if you were

it's just every time
i look at you,
you look at me,
i think about you,
and my dreams fade to you
that silver becomes gold
blood flows like a river
inside me
and my heart swells
i can't walk
or speak
and you walk away
with a sigh
and i fear you think
i have nothing to say
that i refuse to answer
when you tell me you
think of me every day
i'm frozen
and i melt
all at once

3 Jan 03

Rated 5.7 (7.1) by 3 users.
Active (3): 5, 6, 6
Inactive (6): 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, 10

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Very good indeed. Captured the feelings very well, I think.
 — Moose

I love this, sounds just like me.
 — misslo

the second stanza is weak, but you have some lovely moments here.
 — allie

Wow, you have insane Powers as a writer! I love the stuff you write. Believe me, if no one else, you can write! I am in the shoes of the person you are writing to, and I'm begging you, have the courage and strength to overcome your fear, for you will not be turned away. -Shattered(for now)
 — unknown

oh i like this
 — tragicbubble

o wow

i love this

but i should not

the voice coming from the far left of my right head is saying: no. you should not. because this suks

medusa medina
 — unknown


no critiques :)
 — nicolecote

 — listen