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It's Bases and Birthdays
candykid

"So let me slip away,
against the current,
so let me slip away."


So I did for awhile,
 1
I moved to a state called Texas,
 2
where I was invincible,
 3
where I had no middle name,
 4
where nobody knew I was 24,
 5
or that I preferred the martinis at the
 6
Elephant Bar because of the apple slice.
 7
 
 
I was living here and there,
 8
touching bases called Easter and Christmas,
 9
and somewhere pickled in
 10
between second and third it occurred to me
 11
that life is often like that,
 12
it’s easy to get caught up in the middle.
 13
 
 
It’s bases and birthdays and
 14
too much gray in between,
 15
it’s in and out,
 16
it’s PCH at three o’clock in the morning
 17
on an exceedingly foggy night,
 18
seeing patches of road,
 19
but missing your exit.
 20
When you can’t see what’s in front of you,
 21
it takes twice as long to get there.
 22
 
 
And I guess that explains a lot of things,
 23
like what it means to slip away,
 24
or have no middle name or favorite color,
 25
to go from Monday to Thursday in one breath,
 26
to not recall the little things
 27
like how your dad rhymed
 28
your name with the unrhymable,
 29
or how your age was on the back of your
 30
plastic spoon at lunch in Elementary School.
 31
 
 
You forget these things.
 32
You forget where you’re going.
 33
And after awhile, you forget where you’ve been,
 34
until the day comes that you venture the road back,
 35
picking up pieces that have fallen from your mind,
 36
recalling the names of your pets when you were six,
 37
and the number you chose on your
 38
first softball jersey.
 39
 
 
You eventually make it back to the city
 40
that screams busy, but breathes home,
 41
like a mother upon dusk and newly lit streetlight.
 42

22 Oct 04

Rated 7.5 (7.6) by 12 users.
Active (12): 1, 1, 1, 7, 7, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9
Inactive (12): 7, 7, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9

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Comments:

Please take that retarded ass quote by that shitty band out the header. It makes me not want to read this at all.
 — InMyBlood

InMyBlood...I am not a Dashboard Confessionals fan either, but I had these lines stuck in my head for a little while one day and this is the poem that I wrote in regards to those lines.  The poem was not written in admiration of the band who sings it or for those that hate them.  Like any poem I write, it is just something that needs to come out.  I hope that you can look past the superficialness of the band who sings the lines I responded to and and give my poem a fair read.  If not, oh well I guess. Thanks for at least clicking on the title. I have had critiques from great writers on this site that have helped me with my writing and I am thankful for that.  I hope people can look past something superficial like a personal like/dislike of band and read the poem for it's worth.
 — candykid

man, it's dashboard CONFESSIONAL.
 — ag

This could so easily be a song.  I want to come back to this
and will.
 — unknown

I do like this poem, despite the quote. Excellent lines 40-42.
 — claudia

Thank you unknown and claudia for taking the time to read my work.  Unknown, I hope you do come back to this poem.  I would really like that.  Claudia, thank you for looking past the quote. I appreciate it!
 — candykid

i really like this. and i guess everyone here hates dashboard but they happen to be one of my favorite bands. i love the poem and i can relate to it so much..9
 — DiVeRiGhTiN

diverightin...thank you very much!  It is truly a great feeling to have somebody that can relate to something I wrote and what I am feeling.  I appreciate it.
 — candykid

Other than the stupid quote at the beginning, this is really really good. I think It's perfect and nothing should be changed. Good work candykid
 — madderhatter

Thank you madderhatter...thanks for reading it and commenting despite your dislike of the quote.  I am very happy to hear you liked it...thank you!
 — candykid

I read the poem, my critisim was get rid of the quote. I dont think it adds much value you to it at all.
 — InMyBlood

I actually like Dashboard. They have some pretty sweet songs. This is really, really nice. But the quote at the beginning doesn't do anything for the poem at all. It actually takes away from it somehow. The poem expresses a million more things than the quote can even begin to allude to. Maybe put it as a footnote instead of head?

I love stanza four. That's just a really nice piece of work, lovely descriptions and images. Very well written, flow is great. There are extraneous words and lines here and there, but nothing drastic. Well done.
-wendz
 — unknown

This is really good. I agree with wendz re adding the quote as a footnote or even deleting it altogether. A fav.  -Sam
 — unknown

wendz and sam...thank you for taking the time to comment.  I guess I have the tendency to include words/phrases, etc. that could/should be omitted in order to make my work better/tighter.  I think because I tend to write in a "matter of fact" kind of way, I end up having the problem of kicking out the stuff I don't need.  I seem to have that problem in most my writing and it is something I will have to continue to work on.  I am also going to play with the quote a little bit.  Maybe it would fit better as a footnote.  I guess I am scared to take it out all together because of the way I started this poem...hmm...but that is just something I will have to get over.  Thank you both very much for reading my work.  I really appreciate it.
 — candykid

didnt I say the exact same thing except before everyone else?
 — InMyBlood

You sure did InMyBlood...I know, I know.  I thought it was more of a personal disgust with the band for you rather than the quote not fitting with my work...I know you did end up making the comment later that it didn't seem to fit and I appreciate that you gave my work a fair read.  I am playing with changing it right now, but I still haven't come up with something I like.  Maybe it would be better without the quote, but I am just having a difficult time trying to get it to all make sense to me without it.  But yes, InMyBlood, you were the first to say it.  =)
 — candykid

Honestly it comes across as perfectly clear for everyone else without the quote. This is a pretty well written poem. Line 32 and 33 could use some rewording. I looks kind of akward stacking the same words next to eachother like that. Thats all I really see. Check out my new one if you get a chance. "the streets"
 — InMyBlood

InMyBlood,
  Thank you.  Although it is not yet changed, I am still trying to play with taking the quote out.  I enjoyed reading your newest work.  Thank you very much for reading mine.  I appreciate it.
 — candykid

Why haven't I seen this on the Top Rated list?
 — FangzOfFire

oh i love this
 — tragicbubble

regadless of whether i love or hate the band that inspired this...

i look past WHO said the words, and try to look at those words. if someone stupid happens to accidentally utter the greatest statement of our time, he's got my attention.


i really like this piece. it makes me think of a friend of mine, and how i'm going off to college soon, without him. and how much i'm starting to think about my past, with him.
it makes me think of a lot of things, though.
my first softball number was 4.

this is an excellent piece of writing, in my opinion.
 — shakeit

I usually  give up on longer poems after two or three lines.  This one was different. It was a damn good read.  
 — unknown

it makes me very nostalgic, i like the sense of that imagery.
 — infinity

A gorgeous poem - you only have to mention Texas and I'm gone - beautiful detail. It soars somehow
 — opal

Wow...I can't believe I got such a good response....I am extremely thankful.  
 — unknown

Opps...that was me....now only if I could that whole sign in thing right...:)
 — candykid

Awesome. I truly get the lonely feeling you attempted to get across.
 — unknown

i feel like i've heard some of this or the idea of this poem somewhere. maybe a song. i like it though, a lot.
 — DiVeRiGhTiN

i have never heard dashboard confessional.
it doesnt matter.
apparently you write better than they.
so theyre not doing your poem any favors
with their lines or their baggage.

(i know this is just going to make you
even more stubborn about it.
thats why im not saying, 'take it out.'
but it doesnt help your poem at all.
it hurts your poem.)
 — unknown

I would change the first line. It turned me off and i almost didn't read the rest of the poem.
 — unknown

This is really good.  In my opinion the quote should stay.  If it inspired the work what's wrong with it?  The metaphor is great.
 — rlively

this is i really good poem i like it alot i caputers
feelings well good poem - lostkid
 — unknown

Love the poem, but please please PLEASE remove the lyrics.

*sigh*
 — Dead

I usually can't stand poems that long, but I really enjoyed reading that. Good Job! Also, I like the quote at the beginning. I think it adds something  to the poem.
 — unknown

Please take that retarded ass quote by that shitty band out the header. It makes me not want to read this at all.
– InMyBlood

My sentiments exactly. He's a better person than I am, though, because I'm not gonna read it because of the quote.
 — noneisreal

while i was reading this , i was reminded more of another song. if you havent heard it, maybe you should look it up. michael franti's  "has anybody seen my mind". i think you may appriciate it, as i appricaited your poem.
 — duffyj83

So here is what I am trying...Although I still do not feel like I have found a way to express this poem the way I intended by taking out the quote, I tried.  I still feel like the quote is a better fit for what I wanted to express, but  just in case it is me being stuck in my ways...I decided to try taking it out for a week to see if it grows on me.  Thanks again to the people who stopped to comment, again, I really do appreciate it.
 — candykid

I don't know what everybody's talking about with the quote, it just needs a foot note if it's someone else's writing...but this is very clear...it's very clear what it's about and the form is perfect for it. Great Job.
 — unknown

Okay, so I took the quote out for awhile and it still didn't sit well with me.  I understand some people don't like the song or the band.  I understand that some feel that it takes away from the poem.  I respect those opinions and I understand, but for me...it is what made this poem come out and sometimes (usually) that is the hardest part for me.
 — candykid

I have an idea. Perhaps just take out who the quote is by, but leave it in the marks. I have nothing against the band, but the quote just doesn't do much for me.
-wendz
 — unknown

I have an idea! Get over it.
 — unknown

Thanks Wendz...appreciated! =)

As for the other unknown comment...if anywhere I thought this would be a place to recieve constructive critism, a place where I can think aloud, play with my poems, and figure out with the aid of other reader's ideas and thoughts what works best for my poems.  Oh, well...
 — candykid

this poem is hot...except for the quote
 — CajunMoon

Leave the quote if you want. You wrote this in regard to those lines, so perhaps you should include that in a footnote instead of an introduction.
 — Gabriella

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