poetry critical

online poetry workshop



reassuring quiet . morning moment
gnormal

I
 1
cut                  .
 2
My  
 3
pink
 4
lip-                            .
 5
shaving            .
 6
Dotted
 7
The
 8
cotton
 9
Towels         .
 10
still
 11
clean                .
 12

10 Sep 04

Rated 5 (5.5) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (1): 5, 6

(define the words in this poem)
(161 more poems by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

good on ya for using the cotton and not the towel. you are a well trained male now, every move perfectly calculated to do the right thing by her. i'm still a bit raw, but i'm trying and i may be making headway, but i would have used the towel.
 — hank

haha this is cute. i showed it my friend and he laughed, and showed his mother, who said she should paste it to the mirror. :) very cute indeed.
so, since you learned this rule, do you still leave the toilet seat up??
 — stainedsteel

actually, i meant "the cotton towel."
i just liked the "dotted the cotton."
ill try again at the line breaks.
 — gnormal

it seems that breaking it at all strangles all the overlapping.
 — gnormal

maybe it would be less confussing if you used commas...like
"I cut my pink lip-shaving, dotted the cotton, towels still clean."

even though i get the impression you don't want to use them :) just a thought.
 — stainedsteel

think i found a better way.
 — gnormal

it still is kind of confussing... is there a script error or something???
 — stainedsteel

no
 — unknown

cute but not sure how to read this.
 — PaulBeers

Interesting poem, i would read it like hank and stained steel, your soloution was caps right? i used the same technique in autumn shakes a snowlglobe. i think that the poem is a little short to carry it off here maybe. what you had originally was probably fine.

are those dots (of blood) on the right?
i like them. i'd play lots more with that and the placement of them against the words.

i like this poem.

kaleidazcope
 — unknown

yes the caps.  to expose all the phrases i marked the beginning of each
[I cut [my pink lip( )shaving [dotted [the cotton [towels still clean]
but now i dont like the caps anymore.
mostly just wanted to convey that blood's not dirty.
is sort of affirming, and looks pretty on white cotton when used sparingly.
but if youre the reader then youre picturing someone else's blood,
which is hard to perceive as very clean or pure i guess.
checking if you could have done the same in snowglobe.
 — gnormal

eek :)
i like
 — lai

Newest (expand)
Recently Commented (expand)
Recent Best (expand)
0.349s