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missing the big picture is easy when your head is buried in the sand.
ShelbyS

not sure about this one. new after block, I want to see what others think.

He laughs as feathers explode,
 1
this satire lost on the rest of us.
 2
It melds and screams, this display of life,
 3
releases its hold and forms brand new.
 4
 
 
Do you realize your root?
 5
 
 
Will you realize such heavenly implications
 6
when it all comes to its end?
 7
 
 
Such ego is inevitable when you love yourself so.
 8
 
 
You ache now above all else,
 9
A subliminal urge we could never know
 10
and would never want to,
 11
but it will come back to one in the end.
 12
 
 
Do you realize your source?
 13
 
 
Will you realize such grand implications
 14
when you bring about the end?
 15
 
 
Such ego is inevitable when you see yourself so.
 16
 
 
I am off to destroy a lazy man, to right a wrong
 17
you so easily caused. Pay attention to the clock child.
 18

31 Aug 04

Rated 9 (7.6) by 2 users.
Active (2): 9
Inactive (5): 1, 6, 6, 8, 9, 9

(define the words in this poem)
(45 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

awesome!
 — xjulietx

Quite interesting but not what I'm used to reading.
Shelby, you don't have an ego problem, you're perfectly flawed as you should be.
xoxo.
..gemini
 — unknown

The only thing I can think of sayin to fix is the spelling mistake in 'realise'..*smiles* Basically, welcome back, whoever you are. This isn't bad. I have to profess that I'm not sure what you are trying to say with this though, and as such, I can't rate it.

However, this poem is filled with phrases and lines which I absolutely adore, like l1 & 2,  and l17 & 18. Those lines are amazing. Good job.
 — wendz

Hmm..Hello Shelby. Purposely didn't read the comments, so no bias there!
 — wendz

great flow. it also has some really good lines in it. nice one for coming out of block.
 — AEOS

cool, thanks everyone.
 — ShelbyS

this is better than dunkaroo's! niceley niceley thank you.
 — onklcrispy

youve oggled my loins for the last time Onk.
 — ShelbyS

i don't understand it. i mean it's there, just...not?
 — unknown

you not understanding it is no reason to leave a gutless rating of one and an unknown rating. however, as Im pretty sure you are someone has a problem with me in real life and consequently decided to mark down my poetry for it, Im going to ignore that. also, Im going to say go to hell if you dont have decency enough to not just mark down my poetry for personal reasons. that goes for PC members and people that just dont happen to like me in real life.
 — ShelbyS

i don't know you, i just don't like the poem, as for you?? i don't know you, i just thought the poem sucked is all. i could see why poeple would have problems with you...
 — unknown

Shelby is awesome. Dunkaroos are these little biscuits which have chocolate cream thingos, and you dunk the lil kangaroos into the chocolate and then dip that into the mueslie. Basically, onk was paying you a compliment. Dunkaroos are Yumm-O!
 — wendz

Remmeber Shelby--just because someone leaves a comment does not necessarily mean that they've rated it, and vice versa.
 — wendz

thanks Wendz, I knew Onk wasnt insulting me though. he gave me a nine, and I know hes not the type to do something like that in general. however, this unknown did give me a one, and left nothing meaningful, so I have the right as the writer of this poem to tell them to go to hell if I want to.

call it creative control.
 — ShelbyS

from what i can see, this is stupid. not the poem, i mean this thing you have with this person "unknown" that could be anyone, and i don't think it's worth it. by the way, i thought your poem was pretty OK.
 — stainedsteel

You know Shelby, for a second I thought you meant "you've eaten my loins for the last time".
 — wendz

i can see why the other unknown doesn't like it.
i can't see the satire in someone laughing as feathers explode for example.

also when using it, i always expect 'it' to refer to something. it's unclear in line 3 to what though.

from line 8 the poem improves greatly as if the poet found their flow.

the use of you thoughout and one (line 12) also feels uncomfortable, overly formal maybe. i don't know

the last two lines are good. they show imagination and humour. that's how i would concentrate on expressing myself if i was the author.

overall just not my cup of tea

green_bench
 — unknown

this is good... but... NOTHING is better than dunkaroo's.
 — omega

this had nothing to do with dunkaroos bitch.
 — unknown

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