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"A Dedication to Those I'd Kill" as told by Darren P. Johnson

I'm rather short, for I'm a dwarf
and don't have long to live.
All the people that annoyed me
probably thought that I’d forgive.
And I guess I really should have,
but I know I never will,
so I’ve made a list of people
that before I die, I’ll kill.
Doug Barnes is my new roommate,
and he isn’t too polite.
He plays WoW at early hours
and he never says “goodnight.”
And he shoves his father’s golf clubs,
in my room beneath the stairs,
so I'll stab him with his dagger
when I think he's least prepared.
His brother Tom is not so bad,
unless Chris King is there.
They constantly make fun of me
as if I’m not aware.
So I think I’ll beat the brother
with my cane when he’s asleep,
and then after trip their loud friend
down the stairs, which are quite steep.
Katie Lansing, I have yet to meet
but I can surely tell
from what I’ve heard, I’m sure to find
that she should die as well.
So I’ll sew her sphincter closed
with a needle and a thread
and then feed her tons of cookies
till she eats so much, she’s dead.
There I'm sure are still more people
that would annoy me, had we met
but we thankfully did not meet,
for they surely would regret
the day that they annoyed me
or were even slightly mean,
To the young, Darren P. Johnson
Who had died at age sixteen.


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