If you saw my little indigo jeans

or my newly formed tan breasts that

jiggle just enough,

or notice that a couple of my chins have packed their bags-

or how well I hide my missing teeth

even while smiling as wide as your ass;

which is what I do most these days…

If you heard that I wear my River Nile stretch marks

with pride

in a dozen orange bikinis-

or saw my husband-to-be with movie star good looks,

tough but charmed in so many ways;

hockey player, golfer, witty loving father,

partier-poet.

If you remember,

my kids used to be imps

but you’d see their tails have disappeared

in your absence

and in fact,

they really are just kids.

If you hear my laughter carried

through the skies and look up

you’d see clouds shaped like ponies and kisses

and Christmas-

and possibly my middle finger-

If you saw me in my new life,

with my perfect picket-fence family

and if I could call you a colour,

I’d call you chartreuse,

because damn you’d envy me

but be too much of a coward to find it for yourself.